


The Baggage We Carry

by Hekate1308



Series: Baggage [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Destiel endgame, Gen, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-10 03:15:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 24,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11682879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hekate1308/pseuds/Hekate1308
Summary: Dean Winchester knew exactly what was expected of him: Grow up popular, take over his father's garage, find a nice girl to marry and settle down with, and he never entertained any hope that his life could turn out different. The new weird guy in his high school changed all that. High School!AU, Destiel.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I have no idea how long this is going to be or if I'll update regularly, but I have as of yet finished every story I put online and the muse struck. Enjoy!

John and Mary Winchester had known what they wanted early in life. They had fallen in love while they were still young, and their aspirations had soon been fulfilled: John had opened the garage he had dreamed of since before his service, and soon enough, their first child had been born.

Not long afterwards, they moved into their first house.

Dean Winchester had been a perfect baby, never fussing too much, happily eating his fill, soon sleeping through the night.

He grew into the most adorable toddler in the neighbourhood, his big heart shining through even when he was only four years old and consoled his mother after she and John had had a fight and he’d gone to live in a motel for a few days.

He was also interested in cars from the day he could walk; and by the time he went to preschool, John proudly told his wife “He’ll take over the shop one day”.

Mary just smiled and thought that it would be a fine thing for her son to be set early in life.

Dean turned out to be an enthusiastic big brother too; more than once, he’d woken up and slipped into the nursery at night before John and Mary could get to baby Sammy.

His brother turned out to be different, however.

Sam, from the first, insisted on being “smart and grown up”. They didn’t pay too much attention at the time, since he had just turned two; but over the years, they learned that for Sam, books were indeed very important; he loved school in a way Dean never had; and he’d barely turned ten before he’d decided that he would one day study law, and at Stanford.

It had been a good idea of John’s to open up a saving account for Sam’s education as soon as he had been born. Dean, after all, had a job and a garage waiting for him; Sam would have to make his own way into the world, and his parents were determined to give him the best start he could get.

The only thing they missed in their careful planning for their children’s future was that their elder son was growing decidedly unhappier with their plans as the years passed.

Dean liked cars, he knew that.

What he didn’t know was why he slowly came to look at the garage with dread. He liked fixing things, he liked making cars work again, he liked making Dad proud; surely he should also like the thought of taking over one day?

And yet, thinking of the decades that were to come, he sitting in the shop while Sam was out there, seeing the world –

Even when he was twelve he felt like he was suffocating imagining the future.

There was no one he could talk to about it. His parents would have just told him that he was being silly, that he should be glad he was being provided for, and that he’d like it once he was working at the shop.

And Sammy...

Dean loved his brother, he really did. But too often it felt like he’d already imbibed too much of their parents’ views.

“Should I read the Knights of the Round Table to you again?”

“Nah, it’s okay, Mom says I’m better at reading than you were at my age anyway”.

“Really, I can stay, we could play...”

“Please, there’s a game going on. I know how much you like baseball.”

“What are you doing in history?”

“It’s alright Dean, you don’t have to pretend to be interested”.

The older he got, the more he thought that pretending was all he did. That he was actually happy with his future, that he wouldn’t mind Sammy moving away to be a lawyer, that he was super interested in sports and cars and not so much in books and school.

It was annoying because science was actually pretty night, and science fictions was awesome. He discovered Vonnegut around his twelfth birthday, and even though he didn’t get some stuff, the nice lady at the library, a Mrs. Singer, was always ready to help him out when he didn’t know a word or a paragraph became too difficult. Soon, she was also bringing him a slice of awesome pie now and then, even though eating was forbidden in the library, but she made an exception for him.

Dean never figured out how her husband and Dad ended up being friends all of a sudden, nor did he understand until much later why Mr. and Mrs. Singer sometimes looked sad when they saw him, or why they never talked about the library in front of his parents.

He just knew he was relieved because he didn’t want to be made fun off for liking books.

Mr. and Mrs. Singer were really nice to him, but they weren’t his friends. He didn’t have any real ones. He made those he was expected to make, and there were sleepovers and birthday party, but no one to _talk_ to.

He made his first real friend when he was thirteen.

Fergus Crowley (although no one dared even attempt to call him by his first name after he dealt with Gordon for doing exactly that) had just moved into town with his mother, a woman who was quickly gaining an... interesting reputation.

He was the only teenager who invariably wore a suit to school and managed to excel in his classes despite seemingly never attending them. Now and then, he was seen smoking something by the bleachers.

Dean knew better than to approach him. His parents would probably have killed him for it.

It was Crowley who came to him.

He’d hidden himself away in an empty classroom during a break and was reading Vonnegut. He’d become tired of acting like the dumb jock everyone expected him to be for the day.

“You’re different” someone said.

He looked up to find Crowley, so suddenly that he could have sworn he’d materialized in front of him.

“What?” he asked dumbly.

Crowley rolled his eyes, fishing a cigarette out of his pocket.

“Please. Don’t pretend. You’re not half as dim-witted as you want people to believe. You’re not that interested in sports either, and you like academia when presented interestingly. Like I said, you’re different”.

Dean had no idea how he knew all of that since he was never in their classes.

“What do you want?”

“To talk to someone else who knows what’s up in this goddamn place”.

“And what – “

“Everyone’s pretending but we’re the two lucky bastards who are aware of it”.

They were off to a strange start, but over time Dean came to value their friendship.

They always met in places people didn’t expect them to be, abandoned hallways, or by the bleachers, or at the library. Mrs. Singer was the only adult Dean knew who liked Crowley, even sometimes looked at him with something like pity in her eyes.

They didn’t talk about that friendship in front of their parents either.

Dean was sure they wouldn’t have approved anyway.

Crowley was pretty weird.

“I hate this town” he said one day. They’d camped at another empty class room for lunch.

“Why did your mother move you here anyway?” Dean asked.

“Because I got kicked out of my last three schools”.

“Do I want to know why?”

Crowley only grinned at him in an unsettling manner.

“Your own fault you’re stuck here, then” Dean said, taking the cigarette out of his fingers to take a drag.

He only did it now and then, so he figured no one would notice.

“I won’t be here forever, darling, I can promise you that”.

 _He’ll either end up on death row or in the White House_ , Dean thought suddenly, _and I’ll still be here and I’ll watch the news and know he’s the only real friend I ever made, and maybe I’ll be too numb to feel a thing by then._

“I don’t want to take over the garage” he said to get rid of the lump in his throat.

He’d never said it out loud before, and the relief was almost overwhelming.

“I’m sure Mummy and Daddy dearest are thrilled”.

Man, it was so strange that Crowley had kept his British accent from his mother even though he’d been born and bred in America.

“I can’t tell them. They’re so happy”.

“And you’re happy that they’re happy and bla bla bla” Crowley said, stumping out his cigarette.

“Like I said, we’re the only ones here who get it is a goddamn game, and I don’t want to be on the losing side.”

Dean didn’t tell him that he was sure he’d lost before he even knew he was playing.

Time passed.

Sometimes, he thought his meetings with Crowley were all that kept him sane, especially when he realized that he’d begin to notice other boys in the same way he noticed girls.

It wasn’t his fault he was constantly seeing cute guys in the locker room of the wrestling team he’d joined, right?

He tried to mention it at dinner once.

“There’s this guy on my wrestling team...” he began slowly, thinking of Aaron Bass. Kind of shy, but cute. And he thought he might like Dean, too.

Dad chuckled.

“He annoying you, son? Stealing your girls?”

Dean sometimes wondered why it was so important to him that he grew up a ladies’ man. He was only fifteen. There was no need to go on any dates yet.

“No, quite the opposite. I like him” he said helplessly, hoping that this would be enough to convey what he was feeling.

Sam sniggered.

“Dean’s got a crush!”

“Sam” Dad admonished him, “don’t be silly”.

“It’s nice you’re making friends on the team already, Dean” Mom said and, even as Sam was shooting him apologetic glances, Dean understand.

It was another part of him that was supposed to be hidden, kept secret, unnoticed.

As an answer, he started to fool around with Crowley.

It wasn’t really planned or anything. It just figured to tell him the truth, since he was the only one who could know.

He raised an eyebrow.

“Aaron Bass? Really? Would have thought muscular guys were more you type. Like Gordon”.

Dean grimaced.

“Come on, he’s dumb”.

“Ah, so it’s brains you go after”.

Dean shrugged.

“You know” Crowley said, “If it’s experience you’re after...”

Dean didn’t really know how that led to them making out, but it felt good. Comfortable. Like he could be himself.

He took girls on dates eventually, after he’d turned fifteen. Dad had started asking if there was anyone he’d like to tell his parents about, and he couldn’t tell them the truth anyway, so he might as well date.

Some of the dates were even pleasant.

And yeah, he liked making out with girls too.

Dad laughed and clasped his shoulder every time he returned from another date, and Mom looked on benignly.

Sam was the only one to object, and it was because “playing girls isn’t nice”.

He never played anyone. He never let any of them believe he was in love.

Cassie was one of the few who got him.

“You’re not really into me, right? You’re into the idea of being into me”.

There was nothing he could say.

A shame. He’d actually liked her quite well.

Lisa was different.

“We’re better off as friends, aren’t we” she said resignedly.

He understood her frustration. They could easily have been the new it couple of the school.

He’d have had to give up a lot of his free time though, Crowley, the library, anything that made him feel alive.

Dean knew that eventually he’d probably have to get married. His parents wanted grandkids.

He would give them what they wanted, of course. He always did.

His little escapes from his daily life... they’d have to end.

Or so he thought, until he was sixteen years old and another boy moved into their town.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a normal day. Dean had had breakfast with his family, had snuck back to his room for ten minutes to read H. G. Wells, taken the bus to school and met up with Crowley before classes.

Dean never asked what his friend was doing while he was supposed to be sitting with the rest of them. He was rather sure he didn’t want to find out.

He walked into the classroom slowly, as he usually did.

“Hey Dean!”

He smiled at Aaron. Some time had passed since his first little crush had opened his eyes, and they’d become good friends since then, usually teaming up during training.

“Hey”.

He sat down.

“Think Miss Rachel is going to be in a better mood this week?”

Dean sighed; the blonde teacher was one of his least favourite, constantly going on rants about how “students who didn’t care didn’t deserve learning in the first place”.

“It’s Geography anyway; nothing there to learn Google can’t tell ya.”

“For you maybe” Aaron muttered. “If I don’t know everything about Israel and its history by the time I graduate, Grandpa is going to strangle me”.

Dean had met Aaron’s grandfather on several occasions; seeing how proud he was of his grandson, he doubted there’d be any real murders in their futures.

He’d let Aaron make his own choice whether to become a rabbi or not.

Aaron was lucky.

Dean shook his head, trying to clear it. Dwelling on other people’s luck was useless, especially because he didn’t have a bad future waiting for him. At all.

“Dean, are you alright?”

“Sure. Why do you ask?”

Aaron shrugged.

“You just looked sad all of a sudden, that’s all”.

He didn’t answer.

It was one of Miss Rachel’s better days, thank God; and they were only ten minutes in when someone knocked on the door.

The boy who entered was pretty hot.

That was Dean’s first impression at least until he decided to suppress it.

He couldn’t help it though: extremely blue eyes, stubble, pink lips, dark hair...

If he’d dared to admit it to himself, he was just his type.

“Cute” Aaron muttered under his breath, well aware that he needn’t hold himself back in front of Dean. He’d never joined the GSA or done anything else to support him but be his friend, and sometimes he thought Aaron was too thankful for it.

Miss Rachel grabbed the piece of paper the newcomer had handed to her.

“I see. This is... Castiel Novak. He’s new to school. Named after an angel, aren’t you?”

“Not many people know that, Miss” he answered politely, nodding.

He was the only guy Dean had ever seen who wore a suit to school when he didn’t need to - except for Crowley, and he didn't really count. 

He told himself he was staring because of that.

“Would you like to introduce yourself?”

He shuffled his feet for a second, then cleared his throat and announced, “As you may have heard, I am Castiel Novak. I am looking forward to finishing my public school education here”.

“Who talks like that?” Aaron asked. Dean could only shrug.

There were all sorts around here, just look at his secret bestie.

Crowley would probably like him. He always liked the weird ones.

The only empty seat was next to Dean.

Castiel walked up to it, sat down, nodded at him, and proceeded to be silent for the whole lesson, except for asking the teacher questions or in tern answer hers.

An hour later, Dean was pretty sure Miss Rachel was in love.

After the lesson, as soon as they were out of earshot, he rolled his eyes.

“Suck-up”.

“You don’t know that” Aaron said mildly.

“Come on, no one finds geography that interesting”.

“I do, in fact” Castiel said behind him and Dean whirled around.

Was that disappointment he saw in the new boy’s eyes?

Strange.

“But I assume you don’t” Castiel continued emotionless, “You probably spent all your time at the tracking team – “

“Wrestling, actually...”

“Close enough. You don’t have to care about your education then, of course.”

“Trust” he told him honestly, “I’ve got enough waiting for me to bother.”

Castiel shrugged. “If you think so. Goodbye, Dean.”

“How did he know my name?” Dean asked, watching him walk away.

“Miss Rachel called you out in class.”

“Yes, but who just remembers that?”

“You did have some pretty intense eye contact” Aaron said suddenly.

He surprised himself by snapping at him.

“And?”

Aaron didn’t get angry or offended; on the contrary, his eyes softened.

“It’s alright, Dean; not everything has to be black and white”.

He left him there, thank God, as Dean was frantically trying to remember when he’d given himself away, what he’d done, to make Aaron suspicious of him.

He decided to skip history; he knew most of the stuff they taught anyway.

He texted Crowley out of habit, even though he wouldn’t have needed to. Guy had a knack for turning up wherever Dean was at the moment.

They met on the roof. How exactly Crowley had found his way there for the first time, and why he’d ever shown Dean, was another question he felt it best not to ask.

“I think Aaron knows” Dean began, gesturing between him and Crowley.

“About... you know”.

“Oh, trust me, I do. But why should it bother you? Bass has always known when best to keep his mouth shut”.

“I just – I can’t – “

“Relax, Dean. No one knows, not for sure, anyway”.

And he trusted him to be right. That was just their thing; they trusted one another. At least Dean liked to think so.

“How do you like the new guy?” Crowley, who always knew what was going on even though he never went to his lessons, asked next.

“Don’t know. He’s kind of weird. Intense, but not in a scary way... “looks forward to finish his public school education””.

“Who doesn’t.”

“Yeah, but I think he likes school a little too much. Just ask Miss Rachel; she was all over him”.

“It’s not a bad tactic, cozying up to the teachers”.

“And you would know so much about it”.

“Ah, Squirrel” he said, in remembrance of the day he and Dean had engaged in the past time of climbing up a tree so they could watch and make fun about the football team unnoticed, “You know I have my own tricks. What are you doing here anyway? I thought you liked history”.

Crowley always seemed to know his lesson plan better than Dean himself, and he’d become strangely insisting that Dean visit some of them, at least.

“Yeah, well, didn’t feel like it”.

“You didn’t feel like it last week either, this is not a good development”.

“Why? Want to talk about Herodotus and Ovid with your mechanic one day when you come driving buy in the giant limousine you’ll of course own?”

Crowley lit a cigarette and did a slow drag.

They he said, “Something like that”.

Sometimes, Dean really had no idea what was going on with him.

But then, most of the time he’d have said the same thing about himself.

He noticed Castiel the rest of the day; not only was he in most of Dean’s classes, but he visited all of them with the same interest and passion for learning.

Dean snuck glances on him now and then. No one needed to know.

He avoided Aaron for a few hours, until he told himself he was being silly and it would draw attention eventually, so he sat with him at lunch.

“Dean” he said quietly during a lull of conversation at their table, “I’m sorry for this morning”.

“You have no reason to be” he said lightly, hoping to cut their conversation short.

“Thanks, but – I meant it nevertheless, Dean. It would be okay, really. You can tell me anything. Any time”.

“Aaron...”

His friend just continued to eat.

“When I first made it into the team, some of the guys would have given me a hard time, if it hadn’t been for you”.

It was true; some of these idiots had had all kinds of plans to haze the new guy, but Dean wouldn’t allow it, and no one ever dared touch Dean. Sometimes he suspected that had to do with Crowley.

“Whenever you are ready. Or maybe you’ll never be. That’s alright, too”.

 _Only it isn’t,_ Dean thought, _because I will be here all my life, and I’ll never tell anyone, and one day I will lie in bed next to my wife and wonder what if, and I will never tell her either, and I’ll die knowing I lied to everyone._

It wasn’t a particularly good day, but as always he did enjoy his wrestling practice, and Crowley gave him the unexpected honour of nodding at him as a goodbye as he left the school.

He should have known they had both made a mistake when he answered it with a nod of his own.

“Did Fergus Crowley greet you today?” Sam asked at dinner.

The Singers had been invited as well, and Dean felt both of them glance at him before resuming their chat with Mom.

“Yeah” he said, shrugging. “No idea why.”

“Good. Keep it at that. That boy would be a bad influence” Dad declared.

And you could lose the shop leaned over Dean without having to be said, and for once he wanted to tear apart the silence and tell him to keep it, to just let him go.

He didn’t, of course.

“Dean” Mrs. Singer said later at the evening, “How about you visit me at the library, next you get the chance? I’ll keep the pie warm.”

He understood he could bring Crowley, and thanked her warmly.

Dad laughed.

“The only way we can get you to the library, son? Baiting you with pie?”

“Boy’s got plenty to think about John, don’t you worry” Mr. Singer said. He and Dean discussed Robert Browning regularly.

Dean still liked Christina Rossetti better, but they never argued.

They left.

That night, Sam knocked on his door.

“Hey, Dean. I’m sorry I mentioned Crowley.”

“Like I said, was just a nod. Don’t worry about it Sammy.”

“IKnowYouAreFriends” Sam rushed out in a whisper, turning around the next moment to make sure they were still alone in the room.

“I – what?”

Dean paled. If Sammy knew, then Mom and Dad...

“No one else does. But I do. You always look guilty when anyone mentions him”.

“Sam” he said calmly, “You can’t tell anyone. He’s gonna skip town when we’re done with scholl anyway.”

“Alright, but he’s not – dragging you into something illegal or something like that?”

“Nah. He’s too smart for that”.

“I know he’s smart. I’ve been wondering why he likes you for a while”.

There was no suspicion behind his words, telling Dean that their other bigger secret was still safe. Thank God.

At the same time, he couldn’t help but think that now and then, Sam hurt him without noticing, worse, without ever contemplating that he might.

“Guy’s funny that way.”

Thankfully, Sam soon went to bed.

He could keep his mouth shut when he needed, Dean knew. And he’d never mention Crowley in front of their parents again.

He breathed a sigh of relief.

 _Mrs. Singer has invited us to the library_ , he texted him. The reply came immediately.

_I’m looking forward to it, darling._

He smiled.

There were some upsides to having a secret bestie.

The next day, the seat next to him was once more empty, and he was looking forward to English; he actually liked Edgar Allan Poe a lot, not that he could tell anyone.

Someone sat down next to him.

“Hello, Dean”.

Dean stared at Castiel.

“Ah – good morning”.

The boy nodded and started to read a book, only putting it away when the teacher entered. He also didn’t pay Dean any attention when the class ended, simply packing up his things and leaving without another word.

What a weird guy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and/or comments please?


	3. Chapter 3

Castiel continued to annoy him, and Dean couldn’t even say why. He always sat near him, and he never failed to greet him with a “Hello, Dean” every time he saw him; that was hardly a reason to think he was obnoxious.

And yet...

“Why would he even _read_ Bronte when Jane Austen exists?”

“Between this and your love for plaid” Crowley said slowly, “I’ve never understood why your parents haven’t caught on to your sexuality”.

“Shut up. Seriously though – why?”

“Squirrel, this is getting ridiculous. We should make out.”

That was abrupt even for Crowley’s standards.

“Why?”

“Because” he answered simply, “there might come a time when we don’t anymore”.

So they did, even if Dean thought his best friend was really freaking weird.

Here was the thing though: Crowley’s weirdness he understood.

He just didn’t get Castiel Novak.

One day, he heard Gordon talk about Aaron once again in the corridor, and since it was Gordon, of course he was complaining about the “fag” on the team.

“Hey Gordon” Dean called out, “Remember when Bass won the round against you last week? Sure put you down”.

He winked at him though, hating himself for it but making sure he thought he was only kidding.

Castiel, who had been walking behind him, as he only realized when he started talking, hadn’t seen the wink though.

“That was kind” he told Dean.

He blinked.

“What?”

“You’re kind”.

And with that, he was gone.

Weirdo.

He mentioned him at dinner too.

“There’s this strange new kid in school. Castiel Novak.”

“What kind of name is that?” Dad asked.

“Castiel is the angel of solitude” Sam replied automatically. Nerd.

Mom smiled. “I always said angels were watching over you both”.

“Thanks, Mom. That thought is not creepy at all. He just... he stares at people. A lot. And he really loves lessons”.

Dad smirked. “Of course you think that’s strange”.

Sam sniggered and, as usual, Dean went back to eat with a diminished appetite.

The next day he and Crowley went to the library after school. He might have told his parents he had a date.

Mrs. Singer beamed when she saw them.

“Dean, Crowley!”

She’d tried calling his friend Fergus once, seen his face, and never done it again. Dean loved her.

“Why don’t you sit down, I’m sure I have pie here somewhere...”

As if she hadn’t brought one with her every day since she’d told him to come see her.

They sat down after Dean had pulled a book about bioengineering from a shelf.

“You know, you could actually study that, there are places for it” Crowley said. “You don’t have to sneak around reading books”.

“’Course I do. I don’t see a lot of time to study when I’m busy at the garage”.

In earlier years, Dean had enjoyed helping his Dad out whenever he could; these days, instead of being reminded of a future he didn’t want, he rather hung out with Crowley or took some time for himself.

“There you are”.

It was pecan pie too. Mom didn’t make it often because no one except Dean really liked it, so that was a plus.  

“Thank you, Mrs. Singer”.

“Oh Dean, call me Karen. Both of you, actually; you’re quite old enough for that now”. She ruffled his hair and left them.

Karen. Huh.

“Sometimes I wonder if I had turned out differently if my mother acted just a bit like that” Crowley drawled, digging into his own piece.

“Where’s she now, by the way?”

“Miami, hunting down Republican millionaires. One day she might actually get one of them to marry her.”

“Rich stepdad. I fail to see the problem”.

“I only hope I’m eighteen by then, otherwise I’ll be sent to boarding school faster than you can blink.”

“As if you wouldn’t be expelled right away”.

Crowley smirked.

Sometimes life wasn’t that bad after all.

Over the next few weeks, Dean tried to figure out Castiel Novak for no other reason than it was slowly driving him insane.

And there wasn’t even anything to figure out.

One evening, he and Lisa went to the movies – they’d decided that they might not make a good couple, but they could always stay friends – and he asked her.

“Do you know anything about Castiel Novak?”

She frowned.

“The one with the blue eyes, right? Quiet?”

“That’s him.”

“He’s in my French class, but other than that... Why do you ask?”

He shrugged.

“Just wanted to know. Weird guy”.

“Weird but friendly. Really helped Sophie with her phrases last week.”

“Good for him”.

That didn’t exactly help. He’d already known the guy was friendly, hell, he’d told him he was kind when there was no reason to, and he continued to greet him.

But then, hadn’t he thought him dumb before, when Dean had told him he had no reason to focus on school?

Contradictory, he decided. That was what Castiel was, contradictory.

Also, why did he always wear a trench coat to school like he was crossplaying Constantine? He’d got used to Crowley’s suit over the years (he couldn’t imagine him in anything else, to be honest) but for some reason that coat...

He was careful not to mention Castiel again to his family. They might have come to the wrong conclusion.

Not that he was interested. The guy was just weird.

Plain and simple.

Things started to stop being plain and simple when Miss Rachel decided to assign partners for a project.

Damn it, he probably wouldn’t end up with Aaron but some idiot he’d have to make believe Dean didn’t actually want the work.

Actually, he thought it could be kind of neat to learn more about the Philippines, but he had a reputation to maintain.

He woke up from his musings when his name was called.

“Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak” Miss Rachel read, probably thinking her new favourite could reign Dean in a bit.

He almost groaned as he turned to his left. As always, Castiel had greeted him with a polite “Hello, Dean” and proceeded to ignore him.

Now those bright blue eyes were looking at him and Dean found it suddenly hard to swallow. He nodded at him.

Castiel nodded right back.

Okay then. At least he didn’t seem upset.

He approached him at the end of the lesson.

“Alright” he said, “How do you want to do this?”

Castiel squinted and tilted his head to the side.

“What do you mean?”

“The project. You know, where and when do you wanna meet up?”

“Ah, I see. I apologize; I couldn’t decide whether you would be one of those who wished me to do all the work and get the credit afterwards. I am glad to see you are not”.

What surprised Dean was that he hadn’t been sure. Wouldn’t he automatically think that was the case?

“Yeah, well... Wanna meet up at the library?”

At the next moment he wished he hadn’t said that. The library was one of his hiding places where he could be himself; bringing a stranger just felt... plain weird.

But Castiel only smiled.

“Today after school?”

“Okay. Meet you at the school door?”

Castiel nodded and Dean hurried away.

He did what he always did when he wanted to really talk about what was going on: spend his next break alone and trust Crowley to find him. He could have texted him, but sometimes he liked to see how long it took him.

Five minutes. Must be getting slow.

“So you’ll be working with him. Should be interesting”.

“Don’t see how”.

“I’m not the one who’s obsessed with him.”

“I’m not obsessed.”

“Please. As if he isn’t exactly your type.”

Dean ignored that stab at him.

“I just can’t get a read on him.”

“Yes, he’s hard to pin down. Something else that makes him interesting”.

“Like it made me interesting?”

“Oh Squirrel, he’s interesting, you were always special.”

And this is one of the few people I would trust with my life, Dean thought. He’d probably be ready to kill someone for me. I might do the same for him.

They didn’t make out, but Dean put his head on Crowley’s shoulder for a while. A simple gesture of friendship and comfort.

It felt good to have a friend.

 Castiel was already waiting for him when he arrived at the school gates.

“Hello, Dean”.

“Hi. Let’s get going”.

“You like the library, don’t you” Castiel said unexpectedly as they made their way to it.

“What do you mean?”

“I saw you and Crowley come out of it the other day. I wanted to look something up”.

And of course he would go to the library instead of using the internet like a normal person.

“Yeah, we... sometimes hang out”.

Castiel frowned.

“Why do you sound defensive? There’s no reason to be. If you are friends with him...”

Dean snorted. “Trust me, my parents would kill me if they found out”.

“Why?”

“Dude, have you _seen_ Crowley?”

Not to mention he must have heard at least some of the rumours that were flying around school. Dean’s favourite was that he’d somehow got a sex tape of the headmaster and his wife and was using it to blackmail him into never having to attend classes.

“I choose to believe that every one of us has something good in him, and I don’t think you’d be friends with someone who was... dabbling in criminal activities.”

Dean smirked and winked at him.

“You sure about that?”

“At least not that kind” Castiel shot back, smiling slightly.

He really did look good when he smiled.

Dean shoved that thought away quickly.

Mrs. Singer was sitting at the desk when they arrived.

“Dean! Castiel!” She was obviously surprised to see them together, but beamed.

“What can I do to help you?”

Fifteen minutes later, they were tugged into a corner with all the books about Manila they could carry.

“Mrs Singer is very nice” Castiel said.

“She is” Dean agreed.

“Have you known her for long?”

He looked around before he muttered “Several years”.

“You’re sounding defensive again” Castiel noted. “It’s strange that you think having a friend and knowing the local librarian are things to be ashamed of”.

“It’s just not who I’m meant to be, alright?”

“I fail to see how you are supposed to be anything” Castiel said before adding, “I’m sorry, that came out wrong, I didn’t mean – “

“I know”.

For some reason, he was sure Castiel hadn’t meant to insult him.

And he wanted to explain himself to him. He’d never be able to say why he’d decided to open up to him.

Maybe because he was still feeling a bit sentimental.

“Look, you’ve heard stuff about Crowley... Have you heard something about me too?”

Castiel nodded.

“They say you’re a jock who has a different girl on his arm every week... But that’s not true. You and Lisa Braeden are clearly only friends and you treat them all very nicely”.

“Something else?” he asked, slowly.

“Your father has a garage. You’re supposed to take it over”.

“I will”.

“You don’t look happy when you talk about it”.

“I don’t have to be happy, I have to keep my father’s legacy going”.

Castiel smiled somewhat weakly.

“That’s why I have so many siblings. They’ll do all the work for me.”

“I only have one little brother, Sam. He’s going to study and become a lawyer”.

“And you?”

“I’m getting the garage. I don’t have to study”.

“But do you want to?”

“What’s the point of wanting something you can’t have?”

“I think that’s just human” Castiel said quietly.

“I suppose, yeah”.

It was the first time he’d ever talked about this with someone else than his best friend, and it felt... good. Almost freeing.

Mrs. – Karen shuffled over to them.

“Have you boys got all you need?”

“Yeah, thanks”.

She smiled.

“I’m glad you seem to be getting on so well”.

“I think” Castiel said after she’d left them once again, “I’m going to like it here”.

As he said it, he was once more staring right into Dean’s eyes.

He found himself staring back.


	4. Chapter 4

The work on the project went remarkably easy. Castiel was a good partner, and spending time in the library was always a plus. Dean was almost dreading the end, since they wouldn’t have an excuse to see each other anymore...

Not that he looked at Castiel like that. Of course not.

Still, better not even mention him, lest Dad got suspicious. He’d heard enough comments about “that type”.

Also, Castiel was probably straight anyway.

Not that it mattered. Because Dean was not interested.

“And here I thought you’d left me for Feathers” Crowley said a few days after his and Castiel’s first meeting when he met him for lunch once more on the roof.

“Feathers?”

“Named after an angel right? Would you prefer choir boy?”

Dean huffed.

“You haven’t even spoken to him”.

“I’ve never spoken to about ninety percent of the student body. I fail to see why I should”.

“Right. Anyway, Cas is cool”.

“Cas? Are we giving him nicknames now?”

Dean was really hoping that he wasn’t blushing, but the odds were not in his favour.

“Castiel is a mouthful, alright?”

“Nothing against a good nickname, Squirrel. I just made an observation to see your reaction.”

“And? What do you think?”

Crowley looked at him in a rather impressive imitation of Cas’ squint (Dean had long ago learned not to even ask how he knew) and said, “You’re interested aren’t you”.

“In what?”

Crowley didn’t say a thing.

“I – you mean – no – not like that at least”.

“I wish you’d stop calling it “that” as if it was a scary disease or something. You like what we’re doing on a regular basis, don’t you?”

Dean flushed.

“If you had my Dad...”

“Considering Mother once told me I was conceived during an orgy, I doubt mine had anything against “that””.

“Well, mine has. I’m supposed to marry a woman and have kids anyway.”

“So they can in turn slave away their lives in the garage? Sounds wonderful”.

“I won’t force them” Dean mumbled, hoping he’d always remember. He didn’t want to turn into –

No. That thought was disloyal. He wasn’t disloyal, and he respected his father.

Silence settled between them, mostly because they’d talked about the subject hundreds of times already. Still, it wasn’t uncomfortable.

“Where do you go sometimes during lunch?” Cas asked him that afternoon.

“Were you looking for me?” he replied immediately, cursing internally how eager he sounded.

“I usually sit alone” was all the answer he got.

Huh. He’d never even thought about it, but now that he did – even though Cas had been here for a few weeks Dean had never even see him talk to anyone else.

Dean knew what it meant to feel lonely. Hell, it could easily be claimed he’d felt that way all his life, except for when he was with...

“You know what? Let me introduce you to someone”.

“Look at that” Crowley drawled the next day.

“The famous Castiel Novak”.

Cas looked away and blushed; for a second, something ugly that was too much like jealousy flared up in Dean’s chest.

Then, he said, “You’ve been talking about me”.

“For hours at a time, Feathers”.

If Cas was at all fazed about the nickname, he didn’t show it.

“He doesn’t talk about you”.

“For the record Squirrel, I am wounded. But no, he has his reasons, and I would say you should adopt the same tactic”.

“Why?”

“You got parents, right? They’ll hardly like you hanging out with the school’s bad boy”.

“My parents don’t pay attention to me. I have five older siblings”.

It shocked Dean how casually he admitted to being ignore by his own parents. Yeah, his own were not exactly in tune with his wants and needs most of the time, but they cared about him.

“Look at that” Crowley said. “The boy whose mother wishes he doesn’t exist, the boy whose parents have already created a life schedule for him, and the boy who gets looked over all the time. We’d make a great band”.

“Misfits forever, right guys?” Dean asked.

Somehow, it felt right, having introduced Cas and Crowley.

As his friend had told him years ago, they were aware they were only pretending most of the time.

“Almost done with the Geography project” he reported that night.

“With that angel kid?” Dad asked. He constantly forgot Castiel’s name, which was probably for the best.

“Yeah”.

“Must be a religious family” Mom mused. “If they named their son after an angel...”

“Isn’t the only one. He has an older brother called Gabriel. Six kids in total”.

“We could have managed that too” Dad said, winking at Mom.

“Dad!” Sam complained.

“Ah, Sammy, you’ll be a man soon enough”.

 _What does this have to do with behaviour at all?_ Dean thought, _I’ll never get what it’s like to be a man in his eyes. I’ll do everything he wants me to and he still won’t treat me like one._

He didn’t like these moments of clarity very much, he decided.

“Dean, honey? Is everything alright?”

He gave his mother a tight-lipped smiled.

“Sure, Mom”.

 “I made apple pie for dessert”.

He grinned.

During lunch the next day, he sat with Cas, and Aaron soon joined them. They joked around and had a good time, but later Cas told him quietly, “You sometimes look said when you think no one sees it”.

He tried to shrug it off.

“We can’t be happy all the time”.

“You deserve it” Cas said earnestly before blushing and hurrying away.

Maybe the fact that he only ever managed to get weird friends should have told him that he was strange himself years ago.

A few weeks later, he’d come to regret ever introducing Cas and Crowley.

Not because they didn’t get along, although both could be snippy when they felt like it.

But because they were starting to gang up on him.

Crowley had now and then chastised him in the past for not caring about his homework or lessons, but Cas was a million times worse, and for some reason, that made Crowley talk more about it than ever before, too.

“Dean, have you done your work for geography?”

HE rolled his eyes.

“We still have a week to do it, Cas, and Miss Rachel doesn’t like me anyway”.

“She doesn’t like what she thinks is your laziness. But you’re good in geography, you could get good grades”.

“Which won’t matter in the slightest”.

“I wouldn’t be so sure Squirrel, if you want to get into college – “

“Why would I want to go to college, they only have a fund for Sammy anyway – “

“Even more reasons to work hard, so you can get a scholarship”.

Dean burst into laughter.

“A scholarship? For me? Crowley have you even met me?”

“Yes, which is why I know you’d do well if you tried”.

Dear God, he actually sounded sincere.

“But I don’t have to”.

“Says who?” Cas asked.

He was currently sharing a cigarette with Crowley. Dean had been pretty surprised when the guy had turned out to now and then like one – he couldn’t imagine someone who looked less like he’d grab smokes when he could.

“You know – “

“We do, Squirrel. You keep complaining about it. For God’s sake” Crowley groaned. “Don’t look guilty, we’re your friends, we’re supposed to listen to your complaints. But the thing is, you’ve never tried to do anything about it”.

“I hardly see Dad changing his mind –“

“He doesn’t have to, Dean” Cas said, reaching out and squeezing his hand. “Only you have to. Once you’re an adult, you can do what you want”.

“He’s right. I’m not letting this town hold me back; I’m gone as soon as we have our graduation”.

“Harvard, right? Just so I know where I have to get the scholarship” he answered, trying to distract himself from the fact that Cas still hadn’t let go off his hand.

“We are being serious” Cas said.

He wrenched his hand free and got up. He’d had enough.

“If I want a lecture, I’ll just go talk to my parents, thank you” he hissed before storming off.

He only stopped when he’d made it to a restroom, telling himself there were no tears gathering in the corners of his eyes.

He might just have lost the two best friends he’d ever made.

And cas had been holding his hand...

No. That was bullshit. They both saw something in him that wasn’t there.

They were both clever. They’d go far.

Who knew, they’d probably go to Harvard and study together. And maybe thejy would grow even closer, Crowley was after all pansexual and Dean now and then had the feeling there was something between them...

After all, his own make out sessions with Crowley had all but stopped, so maybe...

He was so gone on Cas, he was so freaking gone on the guy, and it didn’t matter, because he’d leave, they’d all leave, and dean would still be here, longing for something he could never have, and maybe he’d meet Cas again one day when he came to visit his folks, they’d see each other on the street and he’d need a moment to even remember his name...

He was being dramatic. He had officially reached the point where he was having a breakdown in the school restroom.

Good God he was pathetic.

There was a knock on the door.

“Dean? Are you in there?”

He almost groaned.

“Cas...”

His friend entered and closed the door behind him, fishing his phone out of his pocket.

“I’ll let Crowley know where you are. He’s worried too”.

Dean snorted. It was difficult to imagine Crowley worried about anything.

In the next moment, he felt bad for the thought. He’d known him for years, after all.

“Dean” Cas began softly, “We didn’t mean to hurt you. I am very sorry”.

“It’s alright... Look, you two don’t have to try and make me do things for a future I won’t have, okay? Because then I think how I won’t have it and it makes me feel...”

He stopped and looked away.

Cas took his hand again.

“Dean” he said insistently, “Please. I am not saying you have to. I am not saying you should just decide to eventually, inevitably leave your family behind. I know how much they mean to you. But why should you just accept the future your parents want for you?”

“They’re my parents” he said softly.

“And have they ever asked what you wish for?”

“No” he admitted.

“They should have” Cas said, rubbing soothing circles unto the back of his hand with his thumb. Dean swallowed.

“Maybe, but they only want what’s best for me”.

“Believe me, Dean, I get it” Cas replied, “I wish my parents would care as much, sometimes”.

“I care about you” he admitted.

“I know”. He smiled. “I’m glad we’re friends.”

Friends, right.

They were friends. And that was all they’d ever be, all they could ever be, in this town where Dean was supposed to find a “nice girl” to settle down with.

Dean’s stomach dropped slightly and he forced himself to step away and let go. He still smiled at Cas, though.

There was no reason to let his crush get in the way of their friendship.

Who knew? Maybe they’d even keep in contact when he left for college.

Another knock.

“Are you two done with your moment? Can I come play too now?”

He rolled his eyes.

“Come on in Crowley”.

His friend entered.

“High school restroom. Classy.”

“We can’t all have as wonderful taste as you, your Highness”.

“That is true indeed. Just wait when my mother actually snags a millionaire.”

“As long as you’re of age, you mean, boarding school boy”.

“Screw you”.

“Maybe in your dreams”.

And just like that, they were back to normal.

And if Dean started his geography homework that night in his room, no one had to know.


	5. Chapter 5

Alright, Dean might have been trying harder in school than he had before. But he still didn’t think he deserved any of the rapturous praise Miss Rachel heaped on him – despite his suspicions that she herself took the credit for getting him interested in doing his work in the first place.

“That was so embarrassing, I am never going to her class again”.

“Don’t be silly Squirrel, of course you are”.

“Because you of all people know how important it is to attend.”

Crowley shrugged and lit a cigarette.

“But Dean” Cas said, his face glowing, “you really did extremely well. It’s gratifying to see that your work paid off”.

“Can you even talk like a normal person, Feathers?”

“Would any of us know what that sounds like?” Dean asked.

“You’ve got a point there”.

And Dean realized that he’d never felt happier than right here on the roof, with his best friend smoking next to him and his – other best friend beaming brightly.

I’ll probably never be this happy again, he thought suddenly. This is it for me.

Cas reached out and squeezed his shoulder.

Yep, definitely it for me.

“Would you two cut it out? I’m feeling left out” Crowley pouted, but Dean knew he was only kidding.

The next weekend, he and Cas had met up in the library, Dean telling himself that no, this was not a date, no matter how much he might have liked it to be; his annoying crush sadly showed no sign of going away soon, and he’d have to deal with it eventually.

Not that particular Saturday though, so he shrugged it off like the mature human being he was.

Karen surprised by suddenly moving into their corner and saying, “Robert and I would like to invite you to dinner... Crowley and Sam too, of course. Are you free next Friday?”

“Ah – I – me and Sammy, yeah. Cas?”

“I accept your invitation, Mrs. Singer. Thank you very much.”

“You can call me Karen as well, Cas. What about Crowley?”

“Oh, he usually shows up, believe me”.

And yet it was Crowley who had the strangest reaction to the invite.

Mom and Dad didn’t think much of it; the Singers had no kids themselves, so it was normal they’d have others over now and then; and they’d known them for years, so they weren’t worried for their safety.

Sam seemed to see it as his invitation to the “big boys club”, seeing how much he gushed about it (even though he was the last person to need such a thing since he was probably going to be taller than Dean, which he was not angry about. At all).

Dean hadn’t told his parents Crowley was also supposed to be there, of course. That would only have led to questions he very much didn’t want to answer.

But when he told him at school (during a break since Cas always looked so disappointed when he skipped lessons), his friend blinked before saying slowly, “Mrs. Singer asked me to come over to her house... for dinner”.

“Yep. Friday. If you don’t have anything to do – “

“And she _wants_ me to come?”

It was then that Dean realized.

He and Crowley only ever met at school or went to the library and in all these years, he’d never even seen him talk to someone other than him except for Cas.

The guy had probably never been invited anywhere in his life.

“Sure. And you could meet Sam.”

“You want to introduce me to your brother!?”

“Sure. We’re besties, right?”

“Yes” Crowley answered still as slowly as before, “I guess we really are”.

For the first time, it occurred to Dean that he wouldn’t be the only one who’d suffer when Crowley inevitably left and their friendship ended.

“So, you free on Friday?”

“Sure” Crowley said, as self-assured as ever as if the last two minutes hadn’t occurred.

When Dean told Cas in class, he shrugged.

“It’s not easy being lonely.”

“You have five older siblings” he reminded him.

“And none of them really talks to me, not like you...”

He looked into Dean’s eyes again, and once more, he was caught like a deer in headlights.

“Or Crowley” Cas added belatedly.

Dean blushed and looked away.

This was getting out of hand.

Come Friday, Sam insisted that yes, he had to wear a shirt to his jeans (while still refusing to have his hair cut, sadly) while Dean wore the same clothes he always did when he saw Karen. No point in playing dress-up now.

Dad even let him drive the Impala to the Singers’ house.

“That weird knocking stopped” Sam observed when he got in.

“Yeah, fixed it yesterday afternoon”.

“You’ll do great in the shop”.

Dean didn’t answer.

“What are you up to anyway?” Sam suddenly asked.

“What do you mean?”

“It feels like we never talk anymore” he complained. “You’re always in your room, or God knows where. Mom and Dad don’t think much about it, but I do”.

It surprised Dean – it didn’t seem like a recent development to him. He felt like they hadn’t really talked in years.

“I’ve been busy with school, yes”.

“Please” Sam huffed. “We both know you don’t care”.

That stung more than it should have.

Again, he was quiet.

After about five minutes of silence, Sam did something unexpected.

He murmured “I’m sorry”.

“What?”

“You go quiet when you’re hurt. You didn’t mean to”.

None of you do, Dean thought, and that’s the problem. If you were like Crowley’s mother, it wouldn’t be a problem. But you do care, and I hate myself for wanting to hate you now and then.

“I know Sammy”.

“You’re still hurt”.

“Feelings aren’t cars. You can’t fix them like that.”

“I know... I’m still sorry”.

Dean looked at his brother and nodded.

He was starting to think Sam might actually be growing up.

“Dean, Sam!”.

Karen beamed.

“Come on in. Crowley and Cas just arrived”.

Dean wanted to ask if they had arrived together, but refrained from it.

What Cas and Crowley got up when they were alone (if they even hung out together without him, it wasn’t like he had asked if they did) wasn’t any of his business.

They were indeed already sitting at the table, talking to Bobby.

“Hi Bobby.”

“Hi boys, sit down”.

As always, Karen had prepared an excellent meal. Dean knew she was a great cook from the food she snuck into the library on a regular basis, but he was ready to bet that meat loaf was the best he’d ever had, even better than (God forgive him) Mom’s.

“So, did you read about the new advances they made concerning autonomous cars?” Bobby asked casually.

Dean nodded.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’d die to get my hands on the charts, but part of me’s a bit worried. I think I read Sally too many times”.

Bobby chuckled at the same time as Sammy breathed, “That’s Asimov”.

“Sorry?”

“Sally. That’s a story by Isaac Asimov”.

“Tell me about it, Moose” Crowley sighed. “I have never read I, Robot but I can tell you anything you need to know about Susan Calvin.”

Sam was silent for a moment before he said, “But... you don’t like to read”.

“Of course he does. That’s how he met Karen, when he came to the library to check out... Vonnegut, wasn’t it, son?”

“Yeah” he said slowly. He was starting to think Karen and Bobby had included Sam in the invitation exactly for this talk to happen.

He might have complained about his brother in the library a few weeks ago, he remembered. And he hadn’t sounded that different from Sammy in the car – because he felt he didn’t really know him, they barely talked these days.

“You like Kurt Vonnegut? I’ve read Slaughterhouse-Five, and Cat’s Cradle, but the first was much better – “

“Are you saying something against Cat’s Cradle?” he interrupted him at the same time as Crowley groaned.

“You’ve done it now”.

“Dean let me discuss it with him” Cas piped up.

“You ever realize that’s because of your pretty blue eyes?”

“Boys, stop bickering, we were talking about books”.

And not just books. Yes, Dean could have held himself back; but for the first time ever, he was actually having a meal during which most people understood him for who and what he was, and it was exhilarating.

“Crowley” Karen asked eventually, “Are you still focused on getting into Harvard?”

“Sure, someone has to save the world eventually”.

“Always thought you’d rather watch it burn” Bobby chuckled.

“Let’s call it a fifty-fifty chance then. Would have better odds if I could get Squirrel and Feathers to go with me, of course”.

“I wouldn’t even be able to afford the gas to get there”.

“Please, we’d fly, of course.”

“If you think I’d ever set foot onto one of these metal death traps...”

“Statistically, they are safer than cars, Dean” Cas interjected.

“Yes, and statistically, twenty percents of all statistics are wrong”.

“You’d make a good student, no matter what college” Karen said gently. “If you wanted, of course”.

And that was it, right there: If you wanted.

His parents had never used that phrase.

Would it really have been too much to ask? Just once?

“Yeah, well...” he mumbled.

Cas reached over to squeeze his hand again. Dean felt Sam’s eyes on them, while Crowley stayed blessedly silent this time around.

Karen was grinning at them, and even Bobby gave them a knowing look.

Dean pulled back and cleared his throat.

This hand holding definitely had to stop. He didn’t just go and hold his other friends’ hands, didn’t he?

Nope, but remember when you used to fool around with Crowley? His brain happily supplied.

Good God, he definitely should learn to draw a line between friendship and... something else.

Even if he and Crowley had somehow managed to stay besties.

Maybe because they were both insane, in their own way.

The dinner went great, regardless.

It felt so nice to just let go and have fun for once.

Crowley didn’t step out once to have a smoke. Dean was starting to wonder whether he really liked cigarettes or not.

As they said goodbye, Karen pulled each one of them into a hug, one after another; and it wasn’t difficult to realize from the looks on Cas’ and Crowley’s face, that they were not used to this kind of affection.

Really, in certain ways, Dean was luckier than both of them.

His parents might not have paid much attention to him, the real him, but he had never doubted they loved him and Sam.

Cas was every day ignored by his family members and Crowley...

The less said about his mother the better, really.

Karen and Bobby had seen it from the beginning, just like they’d known Dean to be unhappy.

They really were good people, and Dean was glad to have them in his life, in all of their lives, really.

“Dean” Sam began on the drive home, “I underestimated you all these years. I’m sorry”.

He snorted.

“Relax, Sammy. You’re twelve. I’m pretty sure you’re allowed to get a few things wrong now and then.”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it”.

Then he asked, “Why do you never talk about this stuff at home? Books, college...”

“Because Mom and Dad love reminding me that I won’t need either”.

“But...”

“Sammy, you know how happy they are about me taking over the garage. Plus, quite frankly, I don’t think they believe me up to college, and they may just be right about that”.

“Dean, I didn’t even get half the stuff you were talking about physics with Bobby”.

“Yeah, well... It’s interesting. Doesn’t mean I have the brains for college”.

“The others think so, and Cas and Crowley are pretty smart”.

He had to admit even he couldn’t find anything to say.

Still, he couldn’t help but think that he knew their parents a little better than his brother.

“Alright, I’ll try. You’ll see”.


	6. Chapter 6

“Sam has been pretty clingy when it comes to Dean lately“ John said one evening in the kitchen. Mary was doing the dishes, he was drying them.

“I’ve noticed it too”.

In fact, Sam had been spending time with his brother with a determination she remembered from when they had been children and he’d insisted “I don’ need friends, Mom, I have Dean!”

They were constantly in either of their rooms, going to the movies, or even playing football with a few of Dean’s friends.

Come to think of it, she wasn’t exactly sure who these friends were; but then, Dean had always been careful when it came to picking his friends. She’d certainly never heard anything about him hanging out with a bad crowd, and theirs was a small neighbourhood. If, for example, someone like that Crowley boy (she shuddered at the thought) had tried to approach them anywhere, she’d have learned about it immediately. Plus, if they let Sammy play with them despite being a few years older, they couldn’t be that bad a group.

“If he gets Dean to look at some of his home work by doing his own in his room, it might actually help” John joked and Mary snorted. There was a reason they’d stopped two or three years ago to ask after Dean’s grades. They weren’t that important to begin with, since his future was secure enough, and he was at least smart enough not to fail; and he certainly wouldn’t slip enough that his place on the wrestling team was in danger.

“He always does enough. You know our on”.

“Hell yeah I do. Did you see how he fixed the Impala a few weeks back? Knew just by the sound what was wrong. That’s my boy. But say, when did Sam start to follow his every step again anyway? I thought he’d started to hang out with the other nerds a while ago”.

“Don’t call them nerds just because they’re smart” she chastised him gently. “We can’t all be in a sports team and fix cars. And I think it began after that dinner at the Singers’. Maybe he realized again that it’s actually fun to be around Dean?”

She couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t tried the hardest to make everyone in the room smile. It was a small wonder the Singers had come to love her boys so much, she thought with no small amount of pride.

They were both growing up to be two wonderful young men, and handsome to boot, just like their father. She smiled imagining the many young girls who’d eventually find their way into the shop just so they could steal a glance at Dean; and maybe he’d think one just good enough for him, and she and John would look forward to becoming grandparents when Sam went away to become a lawyer. It would be good to keep some of the old blood in their beloved town.

Yes, Dean would make a great mechanic, and while Sam was going to become a man of the world, she would never be prouder of him than of his brother. She loved her sons equally.

* * *

 

“Dean, when are you going to talk to Mom and Dad?”

He groaned.

“Sammy, I am writing an essay for English”.

“No you’re not, you’re reading it again for the third time”.

“Aren’t you supposed to be doing your own work instead of watching mine?”

“I am, not my fault you’re so freaking fast I couldn’t help but notice”.

Dean shrugged.

“What’s it about, anyway?”

“Jane Austen”.

Sam giggled.

“I will let you know that Miss Austen was actually a satirist who – “

“Yeah, yeah, I believe you, Dean. Still – when are you going to speak to Mom and Dad?”

“Tonight at dinner, alright?”

“Promise?”

“Promise. But Sam – you have to swear to me that you’ll let it drop if they react the way I think they will”.

“Okay, I promise” Sam said, with the full confidence of his twelve years that it wouldn’t be necessary to keep it. His parents had always been very happy to help him out when it came to homework, had listened to his problems, even trusted him enough to let him do the shopping on his own now and then; surely they wouldn’t have anything against Dean pursuing an education, or wanting something else than to take over the shop? Sure, it would be a pity if it closed down – at least Dad would think that – but if Dean was happy...

His thoughts trailed into another direction.

Sadly, he wasn’t at all quite sure that they would say the same about his friendship with Crowley... or Cas.

It was just... Crowley was known. HE was the weird guy, the one every small town has, the one part of the population with the slight chance of turning into a serial killer one of these days, the one without any friends or hobbies, just constantly slinking around.

Finding out about their friendship had been a complete accident, and it wouldn’t even have happened if their town hadn’t been small enough that one building was quite enough for all schools needed. Sam had been on the way to the restroom with a hall pass clutched in his hands, when he had heard Dean’s laughter.

Now, he’d known that Dean had nothing to do in this wing of the school, so he’d naturally assumed jhe was skipping classes with some girl and had sneakily crept forward in the search for blackmail material the next time he wanted to be taken somewhere and their parents didn’t have time.

What he had not expected had been Dean laughing about something Fergus Crowley of all people had said; and the way he looked at his brother –

It hadn’t been scary. At all. Hell, he had looked pretty normal while talking to Dean.

Sam had only had a brief glance of them before hurrying on, too confused to understand, but looking back, he thought Dean had looked different from the brother he knew, and it was this stranger that had scared him back then, this relaxed, happy stranger, and he’d tried his outmost to forget about the weird scene he’d witnessed, safe for that one time he’d mentioned Crowley at the dinner table and had later apologized to Dean.

And concerning Cas...

Everyone at the table at the Singers’ had known what was going on there. Everyone.

Sam, of course, knew there were people who were drawn to more than one gender; and that Dean was one of them he’d been suspecting for a while now. You could only watch Star Wars so often next to him without realizing he was staring at Princess Leia and Han Solo the same way.

But Dad...

Dad had now and then commented on “those”, “those” being the few gay couples who called their town home as well. And he hadn’t sounded particularly friendly while he did it.

But surely, if it made Dean happy, it had to make Dad happy too? Sam, in contrast to his brother, couldn’t believe that he’d cling so selfishly to certain beliefs as to make him miserable. Certainly he only thought it was a good idea he take over the garage because he liked to work on cars?

If Sam could see it would be a good idea to let Dean go out and learn, certainly their parents must agree?

And so, he actually found himself looking forward to dinner.

He might only have been twelve, but he’d come to know his brother anew in the last few weeks. Dean could be just as delightfully nerdy as Sam’s friend Kevin, he was super smart, especially when it came to science, and he actually had a great sense of humour.

Cas and Crowley weren’t that bad either, although why the later accompanied them to football when he clearly never had any inclination to play Sam couldn’t say. Maybe he just wanted to point out how very eccentric he could be. Sam had chosen not to ask; Dean had alluded to a pretty bad situation at home.

Completely different from their own, which was why Sam had such large hopes for tonight.

Maybe, he would think when he was a few years older and wiser, they had been too high from the start.

It would have explained neatly why they crashed so hard.

Dean, after Sam had nudged him during dessert (not pie, for once), began, “A guy was distributing flyers from MIT today at school...”

Sam had no idea if that was true or not, but it was definitely a good start.

At least he thought so until Dad chuckled.

“What did you do, make a paper plane out of it?”

Something like resignation crossed Dean’s face for a second (and Sam realized that he had seen that expression before, but had never been able to get what it meant since it always passed so quickly) but went on, “No, I actually read it and it was pretty interesting...” he trailed off, uncertain.

“Was there any studies you liked specifically?” Sam moved forward, determined to keep their talk going.

Dad sniggered and Sam threw their mother a desperate look, only to see that she was smiling benignly at her husband.

“John, Dean has every right to find a subject interesting” she finally said, but without any heat behind it.  

“I didn’t say that, but come on, son – I didn’t know they had courses on chasing girls and fixing cars”.

“Not fixing cars exactly, but other stuff, like biomedical engineering...” Dean mumbled.

“Don’t you think you should start with gravity and work your way up to it?”

“Yes, sir” Dean said quietly as Sam watched in agony, unable to comprehend their parents’ vision of Dean and how unwilling they were to have it challenged.

“Dean’s really smart though” he said, “Just yesterday he helped me in physics...”

“I’m sure he can do your homework okay, but I’d prefer it if he did his own” Mom said lightly and he wanted to scream.

The worst part of it was that he knew he would have laughed along with them just a few weeks ago.

That night, when everyone was asleep, Sam was still tossing and turning, occasionally staring at the ceiling.

Eventually, he snuck into Dean’s room, just as he had when they were younger.

His brother didn’t say or ask anything, just lifted his blanket for him to get under.

“They don’t understand” he said quietly, “I just wanted to make them understand.”

“They won’t”.

“Why?”

“Because they’re sure they know what is best for us” Dean said bitterly, “I mean, did they ever ask you if you wanted to go to college?”

“I...” Sam trailed off.

Now, thinking about it, he realized he’d grown up with the knowledge he would go and hadn’t questioned it. And yes, he wanted to study, but that was just a coincidence.

What if he had felt like Dean? Hell, what if he would have been the one to want to take over the shop? Would they have listened to him? Would they have believed him? Would they have tried to?

“See, Sammy” Dean said tiredly, “Some of us are meant to leave, and some aren’t”.

“But you could.”

“Sure, i’ll just rob you of your college fund”.

Sam quietly said, “There are scholarships”.

“And what makes you think you can earn one?”

“You”.

After a pause, he repeated, “You. I have seen you read Spanish and French in the last few weeks, when you never even took French classes. I’ve heard you discuss next-level technology with Bobby. I’ve listened to you give Crowley a run for his money – and this is Crowley we’re talking about. And you even talked about Cas’ plans with him, and I know he’d love to include you in them”.

“Thanks, Sam” Dean breathed.

“Can I sleep here tonight? Like I used to?”

“’Course, Sammy.”

“Love you, big brother.”

“Love you too, Sasquatch”.

They fell asleep easily.


	7. Chapter 7

They were woken up by Dad, who bemusedly hollered “Aren’t you a little too old for that, boys?” as he looked in at them from the hallway.

“Make him stop” Sam grumbled.

“Been trying to” Dean answered before they got up.

“Did you have bad dreams last night, Sammy?” Dad teased them at breakfast.

“Let it go, John, they’re brothers, they were probably sharing secrets” Mom said as if they were freaking five-year-olds pretending they knew something the adults didn’t in kindergarten.

Sam was about to reply when he felt Dean nudge him under the table.

He had the feeling he’d have to learn to hold his tongue if he wanted to get through the next few years peacefully. 

* * *

Despite Sam’s discomfort, on that morning Dean Winchester couldn’t help but feel elated.

The connection, the bond he had shared with his brother, that most precious of all human relations, which he had thought long extinguished, had returned just when he needed it the most; and so, with a mutual understanding that he hadn’t experienced in far too long, they were able to –

“Oh God” Crowley groaned. “He did his Austen essay. Cassie, make him stop or kill me, I’m not listening to him gushing about his brother in that style until the class starts”.

“Excuse you, what do you have against Jane Austen?”

“What do you have against sounding like you are actually living in the twenty-first century?”

“Dean, can I read your essay?” Cas asked, his eyes sparkling, and Dean pulled it out of his backpack and handed it to him, heart beating fast.

Crowley muttered something like “idiots” under his breath.

His friend read the paper as he usually did when he concentrated on something; his eyes rapidly tracing the letters, his tongue now and then popping out to wet his lips.

Dean’s own mouth ran dry. He didn’t dare meet Crowley’s eyes.

“This is amazing, Dean” Cas said earnestly a few minutes later.

He shuffled his feet.

“Just did my best, is all”.

“Your worst is usually more than most people could achieve, Squirrel”.

Dean looked up, shocked.

“Crowley – was that a _compliment_?”

He seemed as surprised as Dean felt.

“I mean – ah – you’re not mentally deficient. Yes. That’s it”.

Thank God. For a second there, he’d feared Crowley was broken.

“We need to go to class” Cas reminded him.

“I’ll see you two at lunch” Crowley said and disappeared before they could ask him where.

“Freak” he muttered under his breath, but he was smiling.

They only found out what he had meant when they walked into the cafeteria at lunch, intent on eating quickly so they could meet up (and Dean was definitely not thinking about how they were walking close enough that he could easily have grabbed Cas’ hand if he wanted to) and found Crowley sitting right there in the middle at an empty table that by all means should have been full of students, only they were busy staring at him and whispering amongst themselves.

And Dean understood.

For whatever reason, Crowley had decided that he was going to make him choose.

Cas’ approach was subtler; do his homework with him, praise him for it, make him feel important.

But Crowley was nothing if not a drama queen, and he wanted him to make a big gesture now or presumably never.

We are way too young for all this dramatic bullshit, a part of him thought, but at the same time...

There was something about saying screw you for once.

Dean and Cas moved through the mass of confused students side by side, even though neither of them had said a word, and after they had got their food, they sat down next to Crowley.

“Dear God, it knows the way now, Cas... We’re doomed”.

“It’s alright, I’ll watch over you”.

“Shut up, I just found myself feeling peckish” Crowley muttered.

Dean had the feeling that it was something more.

Ever since they’d been over to the Singers’ house, Crowley had been more... outgoing.

At least for him. Hell, he’d accompanied Dean, Sam and Cas to the park, even though he’d still protested against playing football.

One of these days, Dean would have to ask.

“Dean? Cas?”

He turned around to find Aaron with a tray full of food in his hands.

“Hi”.

His eyes were fixed on Crowley.

“It’s alright. He doesn’t bite” Dean assured him.

“Not unless you want me to”.

Crowley winked.

Aaron blushed scarlet – at least he wasn’t scared – and sat down and Dean’s side.

“Hello, I’m – “

“Aaron Bass. You have been close friends with Dean for about three years. No siblings, but you and your grandfather get along very well”.

“And would you believe me” Dean dead-panned, “I never told him anything about you”.

 _Anything_ wasn’t quite true, but most of the stuff Crowley had figured out himself.

“Alright” Aaron said slowly. “That wasn’t creepy at all”.

“I have a reputation to uphold”.

Surprisingly, he smiled.

“I can see why you and Dean would get on like a house on fire”.

“We sure do” Dean said.

“Crowley is a more than acceptable companion” Cas replied.

Aaron suddenly chuckled.

“Oh my god, I’m at the weirdo table.”

“Would you rather be among the starers and whisperers, Bass?” Crowley asked. “Didn’t think you were the type.”

“Wouldn’t you like to know what type I am exactly”.

Oh my god, Aaron was flirting with him.

Dean definitely hadn’t foreseen that.

Even Crowley looked surprised.

When nothing weird whatsoever happened during the course of lunch – to the disappointment of the student body, who had at least expected that the school bad boy would try and knife someone at the table – the interest in them slowly died down.

“So, your Highness” Dean said at the end, “might you even grace us with your presence in class today?”

“Not today” Crowley said cryptically, baffling Dean. Was he actually contemplating showing up one of these days?

“What do you think is up with him?” he asked Cas on their way back to class.

“I think Sam wasn’t the only one who learned something during that dinner” he replied carefully. “I think Crowley feels more comfortable with letting people see his true self now.”

“He... wouldn’t be the only one” Dean said carefully.

Cas smiled.

“I’ve noticed”.

Dean swallowed; was he really going to do this?

“Cas, I – “

“Mr. Winchester” Miss Moseley called out and he winced. The no-nonsense maths teacher had caused him to sweat more than many training sessions for the team.

“Yes, Miss?”

She stood still in the corridor and studied them, and he’d once more the feeling that she was reading his mind.

“Good call” was all she said before she swept past them.

Alright, it was officially a weird day.

“Dude, she’s scary”.

“She’s just... intense” Cas supplied.

“I’d say. Anyway, ready for physics?”

He grinned.

“Can’t wait until we finally reach the good stuff”.

Crowley ate at the cafeteria more and more often after that day. He also now and then showed up in the busier hallways, which he had avoided until now.

Dean hadn’t asked him about it yet; whatever it was that had suddenly made him decided to interact more with people, he seemed content enough, and he was the same old snarky Crowley when they were together.

People slowly got used to the sight of him, even though there were a few who still ran off in the other direction when he came near them.

Thankfully though, while people wondered at his and Cas’ and Dean’s apparent friendship – moreover, in his and Dean’s case a friendship with all the signs of longstanding camaraderie – the news never made their way outside of school.

Despite his very recent decision that hey, maybe there was something to the things Cas and Crowley and Sammy now as well continued to preach to him, he wouldn’t have liked explaining all of this to his parents.

Especially since Crowley’s mother had exactly once entered the garage after her car had stopped working in the middle of the road and had angered Dad so far that he’d used the word “witch” at the dinner table and had even gone so far as to attest he might have been tempted to say something else if Mom hadn’t been present.

Dean really hoped they never met, and that she didn’t marry some rich guy before her son was old enough not to get shipped away to some fancy school.

“So” Sam asked one evening, stumbling into his room without knocking, “do you want to go to the movies?”

“Can’t” Dean said, “have to study for a math test, sorry”.

Sam beamed and darted away to let him work.

At least until a few moments later, when Mom knocked on his door.

“Dean? I heard what you said to Sam... You’re not having problems at school, right?”

“No, Mom. I’d tell you if I had.”

She nodded, then smiled.

“I guess I grew concerned when I heard you were actually foregoing the cinema in order to study”.

For once, he didn’t force himself to laugh, and she left slightly confused.

He needed good grades for a scholarship solid enough to get him through four years of college.

“Winchester” Miss Moseley told him a week later, “Quite an improvement. I knew you had it in you”.

“Thank you” he said, honestly surprised when he saw just how well he’d done.

Cas and Crowley were already waiting for him on the roof during the next break, and he all but pounced into the former’s arms.

“She actually told me I did good! Can you believe it!”

“No. This is me, not believing you” Crowley said flatly.

“Maybe you should have a smoke” he suggested, still hugging Cas.

“Nope, I told you I am going to quit.”

“When did you tell me?”

“Just now”.

“Drama queen” Dean said, shaking his head, then stepping back to accept Cas’ praises.

“Dean, I knew you were amazing” he began, blushing. “I just didn’t know if you would be able to prove it already”.

Dean grinned.

“Yep, I’m pretty damn awesome”.

“I knew he could” Crowley said. “Why do you think I’m quitting cigarettes?”

“Because you actually went to biology for once and learned it’s bad for you?” Dean suggested, because it was surely never too late for even Crowley to visit a class now and then.

“Very funny, Squirrel. Nah, I just figured... If you’ll be around to save the world through biomedical engineering and whatever Feathers chooses to pursue with that giant brain of his, it might be worth watching”.

“So you can burn it down?”

“I told you the chance was fifty-fifty. And you’re not the only one capable of changing his opinion” he all but snapped and Dean wondered if he’d perhaps underestimated just _how much_ his friend had changed over the years.

“I never said that you weren’t” he observed mildly.

“Neither did I” Castiel said, “and I had heard quite a few things about you before Dean introduced us”.

Crowley relaxed.

“Aw, it’s cute when you two decide to co-parent someone”.

Alright, maybe he hadn’t changed that much.

“You’ve got roughly one and a half years left” Crowley reminded him. “You better get to work if you actually mean it”.

They all knew he just wanted to make them forget about that moment a second ago.

“Oh, trust me” Dean said “I plan on winning this round”.

Because yes, despite that he had believed himself to be resigned to his parents’ plans, despite Sammy laughing with them for years, despite his early beliefs that he’d lose both Cas and Crowley when they left...

Somehow he had decided differently.

Had it been when they went to sit with Crowley? At the Singers’? He’d probably never know.

But here was the thing.

Dean Winchester would get a scholarship, and he would go to the best damn college he could find, and he’d go with his bestie and his...

Well...

He glanced at Cas.

That was a subject for another day.


	8. Chapter 8

One and a half years sounded like enough time to ensure he’d make it to college (he thought a normal one wouldn’t be too bad, even as Crowley insisted “Ivy League, I don’t take second best“), but in reality, Dean had never paid as much attention to his grades as he should have, if he wanted to pursue this course, and he was a mediocre student at best, as far as his teachers were concerned.

Which meant they’d probably be suspicious of his efforts for a while... Except Miss Moseley, of course. Dean had the feeling that nothing got past her.  

Despite the adults’ mistrust, people started to catch on. Slowly.

“Man, you are awesome in biology!” Garth claimed one day. He’d been sitting next to Dean during the test.

“Are you telling me you cheated?”

“Never, man. Just saw how much you wrote, you must have studied your ass off!”

He shrugged.

“I had help”.

Both of his best friends had studied with him.

And Dean could have sworn that Cas didn’t need to period and Crowley didn’t even know what studying was.

“Still, though – glad for you, man! Oh hi, Cas! Hi, Crowster!”

Dean glanced up to see Crowley frown at the nickname.

Weird to see them together, really; they only had a short break between classes right now, and normally Crowley didn’t bother to show up if there was no time for a proper chat.

Dean looked at Cas and raised an eyebrow.

He shrugged.

He didn’t know what was going on either, then.

None of them realized until Crowley actually walked right into Geography class with them.

“Ahm, Crowley...” Dean began, aware of the shocked stares of their classmates as he sat down at a desk.

“This is a classroom”.

“Your observation skills will never cease to amaze me, Squirrel.”

“A classroom where class is about to start” he continued.

“I am perfectly aware where I am, thank you”.

“A class with a teacher teaching, and other students”.

“I do also happen to know the definition of “high school””.

“Dean” Cas said, “if he wants to stay, let him.”

“I’m not throwing him out, I’m just wondering – “

“You sound like a couple bickering over their teenage son, guys” Garth said.

Lisa chuckled behind Dean.

“They really do”.

Most of the class was listening to them, although half of them were pretending not to.

Because Fergus Crowley actually walking down hallways where one could see him?

It was no big deal compared to him actually attending class.

As Dean had expected, Miss Rachel entered and immediately did a double-take.

“Mr. Crowley...”

He just looked at her, completely unconcerned.

She swallowed and forced herself to begin the lesson.

Dean was impressed. She didn’t throw half the strange glances Crowley’s way the rest of the class did.

“Seriously” he asked him at lunch, “What was that? I thought you’d graduate without having spoken to a teacher once”.

Crowley shrugged.

“I was bored and you two were there”.

Dean decided to best leave it at that.

That afternoon, he was studying with Cas in the library. Karen had already brought them pie.

“Ugh, I’ll never get this. Why do physics have to be so complicated anyway?”

“You love physics” Cas reminded him.

“Yeah, well... lots of things I love tend not to treat me that well, if we’re being honest”.

Cas reached out to squeeze his hand once more.

“Dean, you can do this”.

And he returned to his own book, not seeing Dean swallow and turn away.

Because one of the other things Dean loved?

Was sitting right next to him.

It wasn’t just a crush anymore; he was in love with Cas.

Oh God.

How could he let this happen? This was Cas, one of the best friends he had on this earth... He couldn’t go and pine after him for years to come.

But exactly that would happen if he didn’t remember that they were friends and that was all there would ever be to it.

After all, he’d kind of decided that ending up with a woman and eventually producing kids might help Dad get over his disappointment from Dean not taking over the shop.

And Cas was a very clearly not a woman and b incapable of having kids. Not that that would necessary stop them from adopting one, or using a surrogate, or...

You’re supposed to work through this, not make it worse, he chastised himself, but sadly, it didn’t work, and only Cas’ hand on his shoulder lifted him from his mental freak-out.

“Dean? You look a bit pale. You should eat your pie. I’m sure it’ll help.”

Why did he have to be so perfect? It just wasn’t fair.

“Yeah, thanks Cas, I’ll do that”.

He forced himself to smile and swore that this too would pass.

It didn’t.

Cas was just... so Cas: smart, caring, cute and no sign of stopping soon. He had become good friends with Sammy too, and Dean finally decided that he could take him to his house and introduce him to his parents after all.

As long as they didn’t notice...

Well, they had no idea he was bi, so they probably wouldn’t get suspicious.

The night he brought Cas over for dinner, Dad was baffled. He could see it in the way he eyed Cas, like one of those European cars with their “needlessly complicated motors” according to him (Dean had always thought that at least with some features the Europeans had a point, but knew better than to bring it up).

Cas was just... too different from the friends Dean had brought over before. Hell, Dad could even handle Aaron (then again, he hadn’t introduced himself with “Hey I’m gay and know your son is bi” so he probably assumed the guy was looking for some tips how to score a girl from Dean).

But Cas... Cas was quiet and a bit shy at the beginning of every acquaintance, not to mention he could be rather blunt, not at all like his other teammates or the jocks he brought around now and then when Mom asked about his friends.

“So, Casteeel” he tried, and Dean winced. Sam frowned at their father, but Cas didn’t even bat an eye. Probably was used to people butchering his first name.

“You said you like... reading”.

It almost sounded like a joke, coming out of Dean’s mouth.

Cas nodded.

“Yes. Me and... my best friend often go to the library”.

He’d almost said it, good God. Mom’s questions Dean could have dealt with but Dad’s well-meant ridicule would have hurt him.

“That’s... nice. So you know Karen?”

“He went with Sam and Dean to the Singers for dinner, John” Mom said. “You really could have remembered that.”

“Sorry, son. Dean just has so many friends...”

_Yes, but only two close ones, Dad, and one of them I can’t even mention because you would throw a fit._

“I know” Cas said quietly while looking at Dean, as if assuring him that he knew the truth.

“Yeah, well, that’s my boy. Always out and about with his friends” Dad boasted and Dean wondered who he wanted to impress. Cas certainly was friendly enough, and even though by no means small Dad didn’t have to feel threatened by him of all people.

“Dean is a very good friend” he said gently, smiling at him.

Dean took a sip of water so he wouldn’t start coughing.

Damn it.

Why, Cas?

He couldn’t make heart eyes at him across the table, even Dad would notice, even if Cas was thankfully still unaware of his feelings.

And Mom...

Dean had never really thought about how much his mother knew about him.

Did she suspect? He was safe from Dad; he’d never even let a suspicion come into his head; but Mom?

He glanced at her, but she was beaming as always, happy to have her family around her, making sure everyone had a full plate.

She probably expected him to look for someone like her, Dean realized, someone exactly like her. Someone who was happy being a housewife, caring, doting, and yeah, he could see the appeal, and his mother was one of the best persons he knew, but with Cas...

He couldn’t imagine living with someone like Mom as his partner.

But Cas...

Waking up, bickering, having breakfast, saying goodbye at the door with a kiss...

Sam kicked him under the table, and his expression was enough to tell Dean.

Yes.

His brother knew.

His brother knew he was in love with Cas.

He swallowed and looked away.

Cas was busy telling Dean about the Kingskiller Chronicles, a book series Dean had always found a bit dense (but then he was way more into sci fi than Cas, and he could easily see why it was called “the new Lord of the Rings” Patrick Rothfuss had some serious game) and he was obviously still trying to figure out where this guy fit into the picture he had of his son.

He didn’t, and that was the whole problem.

“Tonight was nice” Cas told him when he was about to go, “thank you, Dean.”

“Nah, thank you, Cas, for dealing with my parents.”

“They’re not so bad... they noticed me”.

He reached forward and hugged Dean close. Surprised, he hugged back before seeing Cas off and walking back into the living room where his family was waiting.

“He seems smart” Dad said when he stepped in.

That was... not a lot of praise. He knew Dad, and “being smart” was usually not something he considered that important.

But then, Dean hadn’t expected him to like Cas a lot.

“He’s definitely a sweet-tempered boy” Mom said, “And so polite”.

“Yeah”.

“How did you get to know one another?”

“We sat next to each other in geography”.

“Ah, that’s it. You needed some pointers”.

“Actually I’m pretty...”

“I thought you’d find some use for that giant brain of his”.

Dad laughed.

“Good choice of friend, Dean.”

“John”.

“Sorry, Mary. I am just joking. If Dean wants to hang out with nerds now and then...”

“As a matter of fact they’re fun” Sam chimed in, glaring at Dad. “I’m one too, if you haven’t noticed”.

“Come on Sammy, just making a bit of fun. Isn’t that the point of Dads, anyway?”

Dean preferred retiring to his room so he could Skype with his friends for the rest of the night.

To his surprise, Crowley ended up inviting them to his house after school the next day.

“I have it all for myself this week. Mother is on a cruise with Devon”.

“How are her marriage plans going?”

“Considering I’m pretty sure Devon was called Tim last week, not too well.”

 And that was how Dean and Cas ended up standing in front of Crowley’s, or rather Crowley mother’s pretty big house.

Imagine that. Crowley actually had a place where he lived.

It was stupid enough, but he’d never even considered that he needed to sleep.

“Why does your mother even need a millionaire?” he asked when Crowley opened the door for them.

“I never asked her where she got the money for the house. I considered it safer that way”.

It was probably was, but that didn’t keep noticing through the whole afternoon just how freaking empty this house was.

Say what you want about his parents, there were more pictures of him and Sam on the walls than he could count.

He almost couldn’t tell anyone lived here, for crying out loud.

They hung out in the living room, watching movies on the giant flat screen, when Dean went to the bathroom and accidentally the only pictures in the house.

The door next to the bathroom was open, and from the copy of Edgar Allan Poe on the bedside table, Dean immediately knew it was Crowley’s room.

He shouldn’t have snooped, but them...

The room was as meticulously clean as the rest of the house and yet felt warmer somehow.

Maybe it was because of the few pictures Crowley had carefully framed and hung up.

Dean recognized them immediately.

A few weeks ago, after they’d been playing football with Sam, they had fooled around in a photo booth.

There they all were, sometimes Dean and Sam, Dean and Cas, Dean and Crowley, one of all of them together, one with only the three sixteen-year-olds.

Dean had had no idea Crowley had taken the pictures with him.

He smiled even as he ignored how much Dean and Cas looked like a couple in some of them and went to rejoin his friends.

And if Dean and Cas moved closer to one another throughout the afternoon, who was he to notice?


	9. Chapter 9

“Ah, just like the old days. You, me, and a disdain for the world at large”.

Dean rolled his eyes but accepted the cigarette Crowley handed him.

“Thought you were quitting”.

“It’s my first and only one this week, Squirrel”.

They were skipping geography, ostensibly against Cas’ wishes, but all in all their friend hadn’t seemed to upset.

He never missed a class, of course; meanwhile, Crowley’s attendance had steadfastly increased, although he insisted on keeping it “just under half” of their weekly lessons because he had “a reputation to uphold”.

Dean wasn’t sure whether he should mention the pictures or not. Technically, he had been snooping, and it really was none of his business what Crowley did in his room.

And quite frankly he was glad there was anything in this house that felt personal.

“Say, did your mother use an interior decorator?”

“Of course”.

“Thought so.”

He was silent.

“It’s alright, I hate it too”.

“Hey, only one and a half years to go”.

Crowley grinned.

“Can’t wait to get out of here”.

“You don’t even know what you’ll study yet”.

“I’m sure I’ll find something... whatever it will be, I doubt it’s going to be difficult.”

Dean snorted.

“For you, maybe”.

“Of course for me. As you well know, I don’t care for others”.

Again, he could have mentioned the pictures, but chose not to.

“On another topic, when are you going to ask choir boy out on a date?”

It was a bad time to inhale smoke.

He coughed for five minutes until he managed to say, “What?”

“Please. It’s obvious. Even your brother has noticed, and if I didn’t think your parents are as observant as a block of granite, I’d think they must have realized it too”.

“There’s nothing to realize”.

“Who are you trying to fool here?”

“Myself, I think” he admitted. “But even if – no. Cas would never...”

“Do you have eyes? Functioning ones? That guy is so gone on you, it’s not even funny. Didn’t you realize how jealous he was of me in the beginning?”

Dean could have sworn they’d got along quite well immediately.

“What do you mean, jealous?”

“All that squinting and tilting his head? He could tell, you know. Our little arrangement...”

“How is he supposed to – “

“God, you’re helpless. Why are we friends again?”

“You’re the one framing pictures of us!”

Now he had mentioned them after all.

“Yes I am” Crowley replied carelessly. “Doesn’t mean I can’t annoy you when I want”.

Dean sighed.

“If I’d known I signed up for another little brother – “

“I’m older than you”.

“By how much anyway? You won’t even tell me when your birthday is”.

“You wouldn’t celebrate the day either if your mother routinely just that date to drown a bottle of scotch and tell you how much she regrets the orgy you were conceived at”.

“Man, she’s a piece of work”.

He knew better than to react in any other way. Crowley didn’t want his pity.

“You have no idea. Used to fantasize how to get rid of her when I was younger. Now I just want to leave”.

Dear God, Dean thought, I think I might have saved the world from a future serial killer.

“Good for you, I don’t think they’d like a murder on a college application resume”.

“With all that back stabbing going on, they should.”

Yes, it somehow felt exactly like old times and yet it didn’t.

Because Dean had finally stopped feeling guilty about his best friend.

Cas shook his head at him when he resurfaced in their next class.

“I thought you were going to concentrate on your education”.

“You know how it is, I can’t neglect Crowley. He’d just get bad ideas”.

“Lisa was right” Cassie suddenly interjected, “You sound like a couple talking about their teenage son who’s going through a phase.”

“Crowley isn’t going through anything, I’m pretty sure he was born that way.”

Yeah, his life was definitely looking up, even with all the school work he had to do.

Especially because today, Cas nervously invited Crowley and him over for the afternoon.

“Are you sure that’s wise, angel boy? You come from a pretty saintly family, and...”

“Trust me” Cas interrupted him, resigned. “They won’t even notice who you are”.

Dean couldn’t imagine there was anyone in the world less likely to be overlooked than Cas, and he was rather curious what his parents and siblings were like, after everything he’d heard.

Their house was smaller than Crowley’s or Dean’s, but that didn’t really surprise him. There had to be a reason Cas liked to be outside so much he even made them go to the park when it rained.

“They probably won’t notice I’ve come home, but in case... They can be rather intense, guys”.

“Have you met me, Feathers?”

Crowley’s fascination with Cas’ name would never fail to amuse Dean.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine” he said, even though his throat was dry and he would have liked to hold Cas’ hand.

_You’re not meeting your boyfriend’s family, for crying out loud. You’re just friends. Suck it up and be nice. They can’t be that bad, certainly._

He learned that they indeed could as soon as Cas opened the door.

“YOU ALWAYS DO WHAT FATHER TELLS YOU, HOW PATHETIC ARE YOU – “

“I AM JUST A DUTIFUL SON, YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO TELL BY COMPARING US – “

“And I thought Mother could get loud if she wanted” Crowley said. Even he looked taken aback.

“Lucifer and Michael are always fighting” Cas informed them casually. “It was a bit quieter around here when they went to college, but since they moved back in – “

“THERE IS NO REASON TO – “

Something was thrown against a wall.

Good God.

“We should not go into the living room” Cas assured them as if it was no big deal.

“I’d say...” Dean agreed.

On the stairs up to Cas’ room, they met another one of his brothers, smaller than Dean and even Crowley.

“Hey, Cassie!”

Somehow, Dean had the feeling this went beyond the gentle ribbing Crowley intended when he used the nickname.

“Gabriel” he greeted him tiredly.

“Who are your friends?”

Alright, Dean didn’t want him to know his name. That mischievous glint in his eyes... And if he wasn’t wrong, there was a hint of cruelty there too that he’d weirdly never detected in Crowley of all people.

 “That’s Dean and Crowley”.

“Rowena’s son?”

He clicked his tongue.

“Growing into quite the rebel, aren’t you”.

“Gabriel...”

“Wanna play our old game? How long until I annoy them enough to leave?”

Good God.

What the Hell?

“Don’t make me throw you down the stairs” Crowley said.

“Oh my God, you are adorable! Why don’t you – “

With ease, Crowley moved past Dean and punched Gabriel in the gut. While he was busy kneeling over and coughing, he said, “You wanted to show us your room, right?”

“You shouldn’t have done that” Cas said quietly, “Gabriel loves to retaliate”.

“I’m not scared. Let him try”.

Cas still looked worried but showed them his room.

It was smaller than Dean’s, but very clean. As expected, it was full of books...

And hey, wasn’t that the small stuffed bee Dean had given him two months ago as a joke after he’d learned how passionate he was about saving them?

“I had no idea you kept that”.

For some reason, Cas blushed.

“I like it”.

“Hey man, no harm done”.

A door slammed downstairs, followed by more shouting.

“Do they ever shut up?”

“My mother is very strict when it comes to fighting at the dining table”.

“I bet” Crowley said. “I always think I would have hated whatever sibling Mother might have thrown my way, but even I can’t imagine we’d be that bad”.

“Me and Sammy fight sometimes” Dean said.

“You still love one another as brothers though” Cas said matter-of-factly.

Dean could have sworn Crowley cursed under his breath.

“Yeah, well...”

“It’s alright. I know. To be honest, I am looking forward to college too”.

A knock on the door. Cas winced and for a second Dean thought Gabriel was about to enact his revenge, but instead a young woman came in.

“Castiel! Gabriel said you had friends over! Can I help you with anything, would you like something to eat and drink?”

She sounded nice enough, but there was a sort of mute desperation in her expression, as if she was forcing herself to be happily polite.

Cas eventually managed to get her to leave after repeatedly assuring her that no, they weren’t in want of anything.

“She’s either like that or completely silent” he informed them.

“Okay, I give up. Tell us the secret. How did you end up normal?” Crowley asked.

“I’m friends with you”.

“Fair enough”.

The front door closed with a bang and the shouting stopped.

“Father has come home”.

“And that means silence?” Crowley asked hopefully.

“It means he’ll go to his office to drink and try to write”.

“How do you even study in this place?”

“I barely do, I mostly sleep here”.

A good call, Dean had to admit that.

Really, he was starting to think he didn’t have it nearly as bad as he’d always believed. Sure, he’d have to stand up to his parents a little, but Cas and Crowley didn’t even have the hope that things would get better.

They had him, though, and he’d make sure they always would have.

“Man, I don’t know about you guys, but anyone wanna go grab a burger?”

“I thought you’d never ask” Crowley said and Cas gave him a small, pleased, private smile, that he only understood later when he whispered to him in the diner “Usually everyone runs away”.

“So this was a test?” he muttered back.

“No, I already knew you wouldn’t”.

Dean looked into his sparkling eyes and could have kissed him.

The next few weeks passed quietly; Dean studied and spent time with his friends and his brother.

His father was growing a bit nervous, though. Dean didn’t think he’d behaved much different at home, but he’d still noticed something was off.

“How’s the training going?” he asked that evening.

“Well, although I’m studying a lot right now”.

“Yes...” he appeared to be a little lost.

“And what are you... studying?”

“Oh, physics. I like it a lot actually, there’s...”

“Yeah, yeah, Dean, doesn’t matter, I probably wouldn’t understand it” Dad, who always let Sam ramble on, interrupted him.

“Just trying to tell you about my day” he snapped.

“That’s no way to speak to your father”.

“I was just clarifying what I said.”

He didn’t add the “sir” Dad was undoubtedly expecting, because all of a sudden he felt tired of it all. Here he was, putting in an actual effort to do well in school, and on the other side were his parents, ready to judge him and make him live his life as they saw fit instead of the other way around.

“Dean – “

“John” Mary interjected calmly, “Please. You forget he’s a teenager”.

So his feelings weren’t valid because of his age? Dean got up.

“We don’t leave the table before everyone’s done –“

“I _am_ done, Dad”.

And he went to his room.

He should have known that this was not a good way to ensure his parents’ trust in him, especially because Gabriel Novak was still out there, seething because of Crowley’s punch.

Sam came to his room later that evening.

“Dad was pretty pissed.”

He grinned.

“It was awesome”.

“Yeah, yeah, you freaking rebel”.

And they watched a movie on Dean’s laptop.

For the next few days, they all pretended as if his outburst at dinner had never happened, and he had hopes that this would continue, until he came home one evening to find his father waiting for him, seething.

“I knew there must be a reason you’ve changed so drastically. What do I hear about you and that Crowley boy?”


	10. Chapter 10

“What do you mean?“ Dean asked, deciding it was best to play clueless.

“Stop it. I know what you’ve been up to”.

He threw a picture on the floor.

Shit.

It was that of him and Crowley from the photo booth.

How had he even –

“Small wonder you’re doing anything but what you’re supposed when you’re – you’re – “

Dad broke off, too indignant to say anything.

“We’re not – “

“Right. That’s why this exists”.

“Dad, people take pictures with their friends all the time – “

“Oh, so he is a friend”.

Dean swallowed.

“Did he give you anything?”

“What?”

“Don’t play games with me. To take.”

“You think – Crowley’s not a drug dealer!”

“Right. That’s why he’s always hanging around in a suit like a creep. And don’t even get me started on his mother.”

“It’s not his fault she’s – unpleasant, can’t you – “

“No, I can’t. I already searched your room, of course – “

“What do you mean you searched my room – “

“I wanted to see if you had any hidden – “

“He’s not a drug dealer! How often do I have to tell you?”

 A pause followed. Dean bit his lip.

He could try the truth. For once. Part of it, at least.

“Dad, he is my best friend. Has been for a while”.

He was still silent.

“Really, and he’s not bad, I swear” Dean continued. “He’s funny, and he cares about me, and he would never do anything – “

“Dean, the whole town knows that boy is bad news”.

“They don’t know him! I do!”

“You’re too young to know anyone properly!”

“Look, Dad” he tried, “You would know, you would notice if I was taking drugs; and furthermore, I can show you my grades, they’re – “

“This isn’t about your grades, this is about you and Crowley! Tell me the truth, son. You’re telling me you are friends”.

“Yes, sir”.

Definitely better to play along.

“Have you ever been more than friends?”

And there it was, that dangerous edge to his voice, that fear that his son was different, a fag, and Dean wanted to scream in his face that Crowley was a great kisser and he’d learned a lot from him, but instead he said firmly, “No, sir”.

Dad relaxed and Dean realized what he felt for him at this moment was nothing but contempt.

He’d sounded less upset about the possibility that he was taking drugs than that he’d have a boyfriend.

“Alright, then. You won’t see him again – “

“I told you, he’s my best friend.”

“Dean, I am your father and I know what’s best for you. Trust me, one day you will understand.”

But as it turned out, today was the way Dean understood.

Just not what or how his father wanted him to.

He may have only been sixteen, and a year, hell, a few months ago he might have obeyed; obeyed because it was the only thing to do, obeyed because he felt he had to; but now?

He was on his way to a freaking college scholarship, he had friends he could actually count on, and he was in love with a boy and that was perfectly _fine_.

Hell, after this, maybe he would go for it after all.

Dean had tried so long to keep up appearances; he did a few things differently and suddenly he’d changed “drastically” and him seeing his best friend was bad?

His father... he didn’t want to see him for what he truly was. He wanted the Dean Winchester he’d envisioned back when he was a baby and plans could be made without the inconvenience of him having an opinion to express yet.

Fine. He could have that. For one and a half years. Then Dean was off, and there was nothing John Winchester could do about it.

He took a deep breath, forced himself to relax.

“I am sorry, sir. I won’t see him again if you don’t want me to”.

He was shocked at how easy the lie came from his lips. Then again, he had been more or less lying to his parents for years now. He’d been training for this moment all his life without realizing.

“He goes to my school, I can’t completely avoid him, but I won’t speak to him again”.

Dad relaxed.

“There; that’s my boy”.

He patted his shoulder.

“Just didn’t want you to ruin your future”.

“I know, sir”.

He nodded.

“And you never – “ he stopped.

“No, forget it. Silly of my; I should never have thought of it in the first place. My own fault. Dean, you may go to your room”.

“Thank you”.

Sam, who had of course realized something was up, shot into his room before he could close the door.

“What’s wrong? Are you in trouble?”

“No; don’t worry Sam. I handled it”.

Then, he added, “Screw him”.

“Dean... what did he want?”

“He told me I can’t see Crowley again”.

“But he didn’t even know” Sam argued.

“Someone told him – gave him the picture of us two from the photo booth as well, no idea where they got it from – and he actually got it into his head that we might be together. Or whoever is behind him told him that”.

Sam snorted.

“He’s seen you and Cas together. He really is blind”.

“Yeah, well...”

Dean shrugged and Sam stared at him.

“Dude”.

“What.”

“You’re not... saying anything?”

“What? Yeah, I like Cas. Like that. A lot. As in a super gay way. And if I knew he’d like me back, we’d be driving off in a pink Cadillac blasting Gloria Gaynor under a shower of rainbow sprinkles”.

Sam blinked.

“Dean... What did Dad do to you?”

A hysterical laugh escaped him.

Next thing he knew, Dean was suddenly crying in front of his little brother.

“I thought –“ he swallowed. “I thought – I’ve been less... I’ve been trying to be more myself, you know, and I thought he’d come round, and instead he doesn’t want me to speak to my best friend of over three years”.

“Dean... I’m sorry”.

Sam patted his shoulder too, but there was real sympathy behind the gesture. Dean wiped his tears off with the palm of his hand.

“What are you going to do?”

Even though he was still freaking out, his conviction was unshaken.

“We’ll just have to go back to pretend we don’t talk at school. Oh, and if we meet up with him, please don’t say anything”.

Sam looked downright disgusted at the idea.

“Of course I won’t. Crowley’s alright. A little weird, but who isn’t”.

“Says the little nerd”.

Sam punched his shoulder. He only laughed.

“Also just so you know I am going to college”.

“Okay. “

“Cas wouldn’t care, but Crowley’s all about that Ivy League stuff... guess we’ll go to Harvard”.

“Works for me, I can visit, get to know the surroundings before I study there myself.”

This time, they both laughed, happy, carefree.

“Dad probably threw that picture of you and Crowley away” Sam said. “I’ll see if I can get it out of the trash”.

“Thanks, Sam. You’re the best”.

“You only say that because you just had a nervous breakdown”.

“Correct, bitch.”

“Jerk”.

Mom would have killed them for their special nicknames.

He hadn’t even thought of her until now.

“I’ll try to talk to Mom, though”.

“Yeah” Sam beamed, “that’s probably a good idea. You know what? I’ll ask Dad something about cars so he’ll be busy”.

Of course he still had hopes their mother would understand. He’d always been closer to her than to Dad.

Dean wasn’t as sanguine, but it couldn’t hurt.

So, as promised, Sam whisked Dad away for a solid hour if he was lucky (after he’d brought Dean his and Crowley’s picture back) and he found Mom in the living room, reading.

“Hey, Mom...”

She looked up and smiled at him.

He sat down next to her.

“Dad told me what happened” she said softly.

He nodded.

“Honey, it’s alright. We understand. We all make bad decisions, sometimes.”

Dear God, was she actually –

“And we all make friends which we later have to let go. It’s part of growing up”.

Of course. But maybe, just maybe...

“But Mom... I promise, Crowley’s okay. We just... laugh a lot and sometimes we go to the park”.

She sighed.

“I know it may seem like there’s nothing the matter with him, but one can’t be too careful. He just seems... strange, and as an adult it’s not difficult to see it’ll only get worse as time goes on”.

“But he’s always been there for me”.

“You have other friends as well.”

“But he’s my best friend – “

“Dean, people change. You’ll both grow up, and – “

“I’m turning seventeen soon!”

She smiled.

“When you’re an adult, you will realize how childish that sounds”.

She was probably right about that, but not about Crowley, and certainly not about Dean either.

And yet she was utterly convinced she and Dad were.

There would be no help coming from her, either.

Dean thought of Cas and Crowley and how their parents were certainly worse than his own, that at the very least, he got concern and love, and he nodded and left.

That night (he’d sent texts to both Cas and Crowley, but had received no answer) he was woken up by a knock on his window.

What he saw was Cas looking in, pale and wide-eyed, seemingly hanging onto the house by a thread.

“What – “

He threw the window open and dragged Cas in.

“Cas! What the Hell!”

“I’m so sorry Dean” he said, “I had no idea until I couldn’t find my phone. It’s always Gabriel who takes it, he calls himself a Trickster but honestly, he’s never happy until someone gets hurt in some way, it’s not even funny, and I told him to give it back but he was busy laughing at a text from you and I was so scared he’d pretend to be me and poke fun at and anyway I then had to wrestle it out of his hands and he said Crowley would learn his lesson now and I tried to reach him but he wouldn’t pick up and then I went to Michael and interrupted him and Lucifer to – “

“Cas, Cas, calm down, please” Dean said, grabbing his hands and squeezing them.

Seeing his normally calm friend freaking out was pretty disconcerting.

Cas took a few deep breaths.

“So Gabriel took your phone...”

“Yes. And then he told me...” he trailed off.

“Told me he’d broken into Crowley’s house and stolen that picture of the two of you”.

“Jesus”.

“He said – he said he sent it to your father’s shop with a note. Michael was furious, but he decided we “shouldn’t get involved into other people’s affairs” and when I protested, he sent me to my room, accompanied by Lucifer. They may fight all the time, but Michael’s word is still law in our family” he said bitterly.

“I could only sneak out at night”.

“It’s okay Cas. I already convinced Dad I was going to be a good little soldier and never see Crowley again”.

“And what are actually going to do?”

“What I should have done from the beginning. Say “screw them” and live my life. We’ll just have to... sneak around, a bit.”

“Oh” Cas breathed. He turned his hands around so their fingers were locked.

“Sneak around” he repeated, looking straight into Dean’s eyes. He swallowed and licked his lips.

Cas tracked the movement of his tongue.

“Yes, you know... when we go to see Crowley” he said lamely.

“Of course. I didn’t expect anything different” Cas said.

And then they were kissing, and nothing else mattered.

“I wasn’t sure you liked me that way” Dean mumbled much later. They were lying on his bed, Cas’ head on his chest.

“I am pretty sure the whole school knows how I feel about you” he replied.

Dean chuckled.

“Yeah, well... you know, feelings. I am not so good with those”.

“I beg to differ” Cas said as he gave him another soft kiss.

He chuckled.

“You have to go” he said, regret evident in his voice. “If we fall asleep and Dad finds you here...”

“I know” Cas whined. “But I don’t wanna”.

“Hey, think of all the fun we’ll get up to once we’re finally out of here”.

Cas’ face lit up.

They made out some more before he left simply because he could; and as he watched his boyfriend carefully climb down to the ground, Dean thought he’d never been happier.


	11. Chapter 11

Walking into school the next day felt strange.

Not because he was next to Cas and couldn’t hold his hand even though they were together now; no, they’d already decided to keep up appearances at school as well, in case Dad ever heard something he shouldn’t, and they’d have all the time in the world to enjoy being a couple later; no, it was because school felt strangely... empty.

Even though the corridors were packed as always.

They looked for Crowley, but strangely he wasn’t waiting for them at either of their lockers, as he’d made his habit.

“Hey, Aaron” Dean said when they came across him, “You seen Crowley?”

He shrugged.

“He was walking by a while ago, tried to say hi, it was like he didn’t even hear me”.

Dean and Cas traded worried glances.

“Alright, thanks. By the way – I had a bit of trouble with Dad last night – don’t tell anyone I asked, okay?”

“Sure”.

All in all, Aaron was a pretty decent guy.

Since they didn’t find their friend anywhere in school, the only place he could be hiding was the roof.

During their search, Cas had grown serious, and on the feet of the stairs to the roof, he shook his head.

“You should go talk to him alone.”

“Why?”

“Because you are friends”.

“You two are friends too”.

“Yes, but no one’s forbidding me to see him. This is between you and him.”

Dean nodded.

Cas pressed a gentle kiss against his lips.

“Good luck. I’ll wait here”.

So Dean left his boyfriend (he couldn’t get enough of the word) there in the dark and went looking for Crowley.

He was indeed on the roof, smoking. There were several stubs lying around.

He didn’t even turn around as Dean walked up to him.

He frowned.

Crowley was acting like he had at the beginning, when he was still trying to convince Dean he was mysterious and cool and perhaps a bit scary, too.

“Hey Crowley.”

“Dean”.

He sounded distant too.

“You alright?”

“Of course. I always am”.

It was so blatant a lie that Dean couldn’t think of an immediate response.

“Since I assume you thought this last, last interview of friendship necessary, let me tell you it isn’t”.

“Last interview of – who’s been reading Jane Austen now?”

He still hadn’t looked at Dean, so he couldn’t tell if he was smiling or not.

“It’s alright. I don’t like sitting in lessons anyway. You’ll barely see me. There is no reason to – “

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I know your father saw the picture. I wasn’t at home, or he’d never have got away with it. Left a nice little note for my mother, too”.

Bitterness was seeping into his voice.

“Her musings on how you’d break the news to me brought her countless hours of merriment”.

Dear God. A whole night with that woman in their empty house, laughing at him about how his best friend wouldn’t talk to him anymore come tomorrow.

Small wonder he was acting like this.

“Crowley” he said quietly. “Please turn around”.

He did.

As Dean had suspected, he looked decisively teary-eyed.

“I’m not used to smoking one after another anymore” he said stubbornly as if that explained anything.

“Of course. I like it better when you don’t”.

Crowley snorted.

“Right. Doesn’t matter; you’ve got a boyfriend to spend time with now anyway”.

It was better never to ask Crowley how he knew certain things.

“It was never him or you. I need you both. You should know that”.

“Even when daddy dearest doesn’t want us to hang out?”

“Yes, _especially_ then. Crowley, you were always the first to tell me I should make my own decisions. This is one of them. Yeah, we’ll have to be careful, but we used to do that, remember? No one will know. And once we finish school, we don’t have to care anymore”.

“You – you really mean that” Crowley said.

“Of course I do”.

Crowley let his cigarette drop.

Dean pulled him into a hug.

Weird, really; they used to make out now and then, but they’d never hugged before.

When they stepped back, Crowley wiped his eyes.

“Ugh. Never doing that again. That felt strange”.

Dean laughed.

“See you in the library after school?”

“Sure. Tell Feathers I want to see him too”.

And so they ended up once more under Karen’s care. She’d smiled brightly when Dean and Cas had started holding hand over the table, even though Crowley had rolled his eyes, and when she brought them pie, Dean had an idea.

“Karen, can I ask you for a favour?”

Of course there was a certain risk involved, since she and Mom were good friends, but what did it signify? If a storm broke out, that too would blow over, and they would continue as before, if slightly more careful.

“But of course Dean. How can I help you?”

“My parents don’t want me to meet Crowley anymore, and I was wondering if we could perhaps... hang out in your house? Now and then?”

“They don’t want you to –“

She looked at Crowley.

“I’d never have thought that Mary and John were such poor judges of character.”

“My reputation...” Crowley began.

“Oh, come off it. I know you’re a big huggy bear”.

That shut him up.

“Of course you can meet at our house. I would never keep such good friends apart, and neither would Bobby”.

That had been easy.

The Singer house became something like their base, and if Dean noticed that his parents were slowly diminishing in importance to him, it was happening so gradually it didn’t bother him. At home he continued to play the dutiful son, mostly talking about the wrestling team and his buddies there as well as cars, Sam aiding him by occasionally playing up just how big a nerd he was, although he couldn’t help sniggering now and then when Dean had to pretend he didn’t know anything about _Star Trek_.

The Singers would probably have laughed as much about it as Sam. Over the next eighteen months, they’d have many series and movies marathons; sometimes, the boys even spent the night. Mom and Dad seemed to treat the whole matter mostly as a joke, as “loaning their kids to someone who’d like some” now and then.

It wasn’t long before Dean realized Crowley seemed to sleep over more often than anyone else.

When he asked him about it, he shrugged.

“They don’t mind, and I like it better here than at home”.

He did look happier than he had before, so Dean said nothing.

They didn’t just have fun at the Singer house, though.

They studied a good deal as well. Dean had not forgotten about his ambition to get into Harvard; and both Karen and Bobby thought he could easily succeed.

“You’ll make a damn fine biomedical engineer, son, trust me. I always knew how to spot talent”.

Cas had finally decided that it was medicine that interested him more than anything else; and Crowley...

Yeah, he’d make a damn fine lawman, Dean couldn’t deny that, but he was already worried for the poor bastard who’d ever have to come up against him in an argument.

At least he and Sammy would eventually be able to kick ass together, if he didn’t want to become President, that was.

Bobby and Karen had only smiled when Dean, holding Cas’ hand and stuttering, had told them that they’d truly begun to date but that for now it was a secret.

“Never understood John’s hang up” Bobby muttered. “You have to go with the time, otherwise you’re just standing still, and that’s no good for engines or humans”.

He and Cas spent a good deal of their time alone, of course. He’d never really been in a relationship like this before – a good, solid, real one – and neither had Cas, and there were boundaries to explore, things to learn, and all of it was fun because Cas was right there with him.

“You know” he said to him one evening in the Singers’ backyard, the others having returned to the house, I’m actually happy”.

“Good” Cas said, “You deserve it”.

Dean’s head was lying on his shoulder.

He took his hand and kissed it.

“I can’t wait to go to college with you”.

“I’m looking forward to go with you as well”.

After a pause he added, “And Crowley.”

“Good luck getting rid of him now” Dean said sleepily.

“I’m pretty sure we adopted him”.

Cas chuckled and kissed his head.

“Come on, sleepyhead, I’ll bring you to bed”.

They always slept in the same bed when they spent the night at the Singers’.

Somewhere down the line, he learned not to care when Dad made another comment about the shop or how he was too busy with wrestling to chase girls lately. He thought of Cas and smiled.

Sam now and then still tried to get their parents to see the truth. Dean knew there was no persuading them, and so he did what was best for himself and felt good for the first time in a long time.

The teachers slowly got used to the change in him. His grades constantly improving, his friends realizing he was actually a pretty big nerd, some of them sticking by him, others abandoning him...

Dean supposed this was what growing up felt like.

Aaron was one of those who stayed at his side.

On their side, really.

One day, during lunch, he said quietly, “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“You’re dating, right?”

He’d asked it so quietly that no one else could have heard, and Dean was thankful.

“Yeah, we’re keeping it under the radar though. My old man isn’t exactly... understanding”.

Aaron nodded.

“If I didn’t have my grandfather to support me...”

“Hey, things can only get better, right? Just wait until we’re all out of here... am I mean...”

“It’s okay Dean, you’ve been working to get good enough grades for college, haven’t you?”

“You’re a pretty good observer”.

“Just taking care of my friends”.

And then came the time of college applications, and since Dad continued to make jokes about how Dean didn’t have to worry about any of that and Mom was just glad he had a future in front of him, Dean worked on that at the Singer house too, Bobby and Karen proudly looking on.

He, Cas and Crowley coordinated their applications of course, for, as even the latter would admit, there was just a chance they wouldn’t “all get into Harvard” so they needed back-up plans.

“Dean...” Bobby told them that night as they said goodbye, “I want you to know that it’s alright if you don’t get to go to an Ivy League college. I know you’ve set your heart on it, but trust me son, we’ll be proud of you either way”.

“Thanks Bobby. And believe me...” he trailed off, locking eyes with Cas.

“I know”.

He chuckled.

“You two are worse than me and Karen on our honeymoon”.

Dean blushed and tried to pretend he wasn’t imagining Cas and him on theirs.

They were barely eighteen, for crying out loud. They had all the time in the world.

Sometimes, he wondered what would have happened if he’d obeyed his Dad when he was sixteen and scared.

None of this, he supposed.

 Unsurprisingly, he also took the letter he received from Harvard to the Singers to open, Sam accompanying him.

Cas and Crowley were already there, two similar envelopes in their hands. He kissed the former and clasped the latter’s shoulder before asking, “On three?”


	12. Chapter 12

Graduation day.

Dean almost couldn’t believe it he had made it this far; as a matter of fact, there’d been a time when he’d been pretty sure he’d drop out sooner or later.

And yet here he was.

And his parents, while proud, had no idea what awaited them.

He would almost have felt sorry for them, if they had ever shown the slightest inclination to even try to understand him.

His duffle bag was packed. Indulging him, his parents had allowed him a road trip of an undetermined period of time (usually he’d talked about “a few weeks”) with Cas, who’d still visited regularly and was thereby well-known to them, although Dad had failed to learn his name.

They naturally had no idea that they’d eventually be joined by Crowley, who had to survive about a week’s holiday with his mother before that. Since he was now eighteen and couldn’t be shipped off to boot camp anymore, Dean was not without hopes of him surviving the ordeal.

He grinned as he thought of his boyfriend. Cas was sure to look hot as Hell on Graduation day, he could just feel it.

“Ugh, could you please not have this expression on your face when I’m in the room, it looks like you’re about to get laid – “

“Sam” Mary chided him gently.

John laughed.

“You can’t say he didn’t deserve it. Look at you, champ”.

“Thanks, Dad”.

“You can frame that diploma and hang it up in the shop, make away with some misconceptions about mechanics”.

He said nothing. He’d learned that his father often didn’t need an answer to be perfectly happy.

“Can Sam and I drive the Impala to school? Me and Cas can be on our way after the ceremony”.

“Eager to get away?” Dad asked.

“Nah, just want a head start”.

Sam winked at him. His brother knew the truth of course; he’d be so freaking happy when he heard it that Dean had been worried he’d give it all away.

He hadn’t, though.

“This is going to be so great!” he said as soon as they were alone in the car.

“You’re the one who’ll have to live with the outcome.”

“Trust me, I can”.

He grinned.

“And when I graduate, we’re making a road trip too, right?”

“If you still want it then.”

“I’ll always want to spend time with my big brother”.

Once, Dean had feared that was no longer the case.

Oh, how times had changed.

“I can’t wait until I graduate!”

“I know Sammy, you’ve told me a million times” Dean replied, grinning.

Today was going to be a good day.

Cas was valedictorian, of course. Dean had known better than to try and challenge him in any way, and Crowley preferred to work behind the curtain (for now, Dean bet).

And he did look pretty freaking hot.

Because their parents had been immediately behind them (and they still weren’t out in school) Dean didn’t kiss him hello, but man, did he want to.

Crowley was standing in the back, ignoring a red-haired woman Dean supposed to be his mother berating him about something. He had no idea who the guy tsanding next to them was, but his friend shot him a look that clearly said “I’ll explain later”.

Dean grinned.

Yeah, he was looking forward to all kinds of explanations today.

He sat through the speeches, only really listening to Cas; this was the past, and he was full of the future; today was the day it all began, and he couldn’t wait anymore.

And then he suddenly realized he didn’t have to.

After he took his diploma, he strolled right up to Cas, in front of everybody, shouted “Hell yeah!” and dragged his boyfriend into a kiss.

In the stunned silence that followed he could hear Sam applauding, then Crowley, “That’s my Squirrels!”

“Fergus!”

Dear God his mother could sound shrill when she wanted to.

Small wonder he preferred it at the Singers.

He pulled back and smiled at Cas, who raised an eyebrow but smiled as well.

“That was slightly more dramatic than I expected” he whispered. “But I don’t mind”.

Dean kissed his forehead.

“Had the feeling you wouldn’t”.

He couldn’t see Crowley amongst the student body as they slowly made their way outside, no doubt gossiping about what had just occurred.

When they reached the Impala, the Winchester and the Singers were waiting for them.

The Novaks weren’t there for the simple reason that none of them had bothered to show up.

Bobby grinned at them.

“Congrats, boys. Knew you could do it”.

It was pretty clear there’d been... words between Dad and Bobby, because his father was busy staring at Dean’s and Cas’ intertwined hands. Mom looked just confused.

“Dean! Cas!”

Sam ran up to hug them.

“It was awesome! The shock on everyone’s faces... people will talk about this for years!”

“Maybe a bit on the nose” Karen said, “but then it’s not as if it wasn’t obvious.”

Dean couldn’t help but think that she seemed to be talking more to his parents than to them.

“Even before they got together. Their heart eyes were bad enough” Bobby laughed.

Their parents still had not said a word. Dean couldn’t decide whether that was a good thing or not. He had been expecting shock, that was true, but the anger he had foreseen had yet to manifest itself.

“Dean” his father began. “You’re – you’re – “

“A high school graduate now”.

“Of course” his mother interjected gently. “It’s just that we didn’t expect you to be –“

“This awesome? I am surprised too”.

“How long has this been going on?” Dad finally asked. “And won’t Cassiel go to college in the fall?”

There it was, the reason why Dad was so calm. He was shaking his head looking at them, considering this just a phase before this strange boy he’d never liked enough to learn his name would go away and his son could become the obedient soldier he knew again.

“One and a half years now, as of last Thursday” he said simply.

Dad’s eyes widened.

“They were so cute on their anniversary, Dean took Cas out to dinner and everything” Karen started to gossip, “And Cas brought him flowers...”

“Karen” he groaned.

“What? You are adorable, Dean Winchester, and you will hear about it as long as I live and breathe”.

“Hear, hear. Better get used to it; you know how she is when she makes her mind up about something”.

She boxed her husband’s shoulder, smiling.

“You be nice to me or you’ll never eat my meat loaf again”.

“Karen!” Sam exclaimed.

“You know you’ll always be allowed to have some, Sam.”

Mary was staring at her as if she’d just told her aliens existed.

This was not to be borne; if something should happen, he’d rather it happen soon.

Dean cleared his throat.

“Mom, Dad... Just so you know, I love Cas. We’re in it for the long haul”.

“You’re teenagers” Mom was quick to point out.

“You were only a few years older than us when you met Dad”.

“I...” she trailed off.

“Look, Dean” Dad began and oh God, did he know that look on his face. He was going to try and use logic to make him see sense.

“I know you think... But you’re still very young. And I know for a fact that you like girls too. It would be much easier for both of you if you tried to find...”

“Hello, Squirrel, Feathers. Sorry to keep you waiting. Sam. Bobby, Karen – oh and hi, Mr. and Mrs. Winchester. Don’t think I’ve had the pleasure of meeting you before. Name’s Fergus Crowley.”

Dean turned to see his best friend strolling towards them, dragging a suitcase behind him.

What was he doing now?

“Congrats, by the way. I’m pretty sure you just burned that bridge, built it up again and burned that one too”.

“What can I say? I am just that good.”

“Dean, I told you to stay away from him” Dad said slowly. “Are you telling me that you’ve been talking this entire time?”

“Not the entire time, we need to eat and sleep sometimes” Crowley answered lightly, obviously enjoying himself.

A little too much, probably. Dean didn’t want his father to start pulling punches.

“Dean, what does this mean?” Mom asked.

“Means I didn’t send my best friend away because you ordered me too” Dean said honestly.

“Crowley’s always been a welcome guest at our place” Bobby said casually.

“You allowed my kid to – “

“He’s more than your kid, John. He’s his own person. And we know Crowley; he’s been coming to the library with Dean forever. If you’d just had the patience to meet him before forbidding them to speak, you would have see he’s perfectly okay”.

He shot Crowley and his Armani suitcase a look.

“Alright, a little unorthodox, but perfectly okay”.

“Aw, that is the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me”.

“What’s with the suitcase, anyway?” Dean asked.

“Oh, Mother married Devon and so our holiday together has to make way for her honeymoon”.

Dean was pretty sure his name had been Logan three weeks ago.

“So I thought I would come crash yours... honeymoon, that is. If you’ll have me”.

Only those who knew him best would have realized that Crowley was actually a little nervous asking if he could tag along.

“Sure. Just chug it in the boot.”

Crowley actually beamed and went on to do just that.

“Now you listen, this one’s not getting into my car – “

“It’s mine, Dad, you gave it to me with all the papers on my birthday”.

“Dean Winchester, what are you thinking? Is this some kind of late teenager rebellion? If you’ll run the shop like this one day, you’ll – “

“About that...”

And Dean said the words he had wanted to scream forever.

“I don’t want the shop, Dad. I can do so many different things – and this is what I will be doing in the foreseeable future”.

He handed the copy of his Harvard acceptance letter to Mom because he feared Dad was too upset to read.

The original acceptance letters all three of them had received were save at the Singers’.

“Dean... This is from... Harvard”.

“Yes.” He grinned.

“I’ll be the greatest biomedical engineer the world has ever seen”.

And with these parting words, he hugged Sam, Bobby and Karen and got in the car, the others not far behind him.

“What I just said about burning bridges...” Crowley began.

“Shut up and get the maps, you’re the coordinator”.

“Aye aye captain”.

“I love you” Cas said softly, taking his hand and kissing it.

“I love you too”.

And together with the two best friends he’d ever have in this world, he drove into the future that at one point he’d envisioned very differently.

But then, as a renowned biomedical engineer would say to his husband and children a few decades later, in his defence, a thirteen-year-old boy could hardly have been expected to remember that Crowley would need a running mate.


End file.
